


In a world on fire, there you were

by Fanfic_or_bust



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), steelatom - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Ray is trapped, Rescue, Steelatom - Freeform, Survival, nate comes to the rescue, will add tags as i add chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-17
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-08-24 17:34:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16644704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfic_or_bust/pseuds/Fanfic_or_bust
Summary: In a world gone mad, so far Ray had always managed to survive. Just him and his sister Nora. Together they had braved the risen and escaped Central City, but along the way it had all gone wrong. Now she was gone, and he was trapped in a run-down Ford Focus, surrounded by the dead, completely out of options. But just when things were looking their darkest, a mysterious stranger in a chrome motorcycle helmet shows up to save the day.ORSteelatom meet in the zombie apocalypse, when Nate rescues Ray from certain death.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First off, I love these boys and I've been wanting to write for Steelatom for a long time so I hope you guys like this!
> 
> Some warnings I suppose, this is a zombie apocalypse AU, so there is some graphic violence to be expected. 
> 
> I rated it mature for the bloody nature of fighting zombies, but I may in the future extend that to 'explicit', it remains to be seen ;)
> 
> EDIT: there seems to be some formatting issue where words that cant fit get split between two lines but I cant fix it until tomorrow :( if its bothering you check back in like 10 hours :)

Ray had been staring down the barrel of his gun for hours now. He needed to gain the courage to pull the trigger, but for some reason, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Outside the grimy old car window, the incessant chorus of throaty groans of the risen continued. As they had for days. As they always would. He was trapped. Why couldn’t he just do it?

Saddened with himself, Ray looked away from the gun. He tried to swallow but found it difficult, his throat was so parched. For what felt like the millionth time, he looked around the cabin of the old Ford Focus. There wasn’t going to magically be any water this time, but he couldn’t help himself. His desire to drink was so strong. He looked at the windows, willing the condensation to form again but he’d probably have to wait for it to get dark and colder out, and he didn’t think he’d last that long anyways. He sighed in resignation.

Licking the condensation that would form on the windows in the evening spring chill, disgusting as it was, was the only thing that had allowed him to live this long. But it didn’t seem he’d get another chance at that. He was going to die, dry and parched, surrounded by risen. If he didn’t get the courage to pull the trigger, his tongue would crack, he felt his body may turn to dust, but at least he would die in here. And not out there. With them. He tried to console himself with that idea. They wouldn’t get him. There was that, at least.

Licking the windows had been awful at first. Well, it never stopped being awful, knowing what was outside of them. Hearing it. The windows were brown and red on the outside with the blood and grime of the risen. Over days they had turned their hands and arms to pulp in their desperate attempt to break into the car. To get to him. They never stopped.

Forcing himself to stoop to that level, to lap up the beading drops of condensation that formed on the cool glass while knowing full well what was on the other side... That had taken a level of desperation that Ray hadn’t previously known existed. But it had been three days of their constant moaning and rocking and he was starting to crack.

He looked again at the gun in his hand. At first he had thought of fighting them. Going back for his sister, Nora. But he only had three bullets. It wasn’t enough. There were at least a dozen risen surrounding the car right now, pressing in on the windows. He didn’t even know how he’d get out if he tried.

Nora… he tried not to think of her. Of what may have happened to her. It was too awful. Too horrific, even in the current circumstances. He knew he shouldn’t, but he blamed himself. How couldn’t he? Though he hoped and prayed (to whom he wasn’t sure anymore) that she was alright, that she had somehow escaped, as incredibly unlikely as it was. Although if she did escape, she was now alone, and likely not much better off. How could she survive on her own? Just thinking of Nora out there without him to protect her made Ray break down into dry sobs yet again, his body too dehydrated to even produce a single tear.

It was the lowest Ray had ever been. Sitting there, sobbing in the passenger seat of the old Ford Focus hatchback, his body crumpled and defeated, clutching the handgun he knew he had to use but still somehow couldn’t. This was it. Rock bottom.

And then he heard it. It was a change in the risen. Their low and constant groans had become agitated, they were barking (that’s what he called it when they made the sharp, loud angry throaty noises when they tried to bite). The rocking of the car settled as the risen moved away from it. Towards something. Ray tried to move to see what was happening but he found himself suddenly so weak that he couldn’t move. Though, come to think of it, he wouldn’t have been able to see through the windows anyways. So he sat there and listened.

*Thwack* It was a dull, wet, sound. Ray couldn’t move, couldn’t see, but he was straining his ears, one of the only parts of him that still seemed to work fine, to hear what was happening. The risen were screaming, barking, and he could hear the wet thumping sound every little while. Then, a groan. It could have been risen, but was it? Suddenly the car rocked and the metal sagged. Someone had climbed the car and was standing on the roof! Ray’s eyes went wide and he felt his heart pounding. That wasn’t risen. It couldn’t be. “Here!” He tried to call, though it came out no louder than a whisper, his throat was so dry. “I’m in here!”

From the roof, the dents moved here and there as the person on top stepped around. *Thwack!* *Thwack!* *Thwack!* He heard risen dropping, and the chorus of their moans and barks began to quiet. *Thwack!* *Thwack!* he heard again, and this time he thought he heard a voice crowing out in victory. He was sure that wasn’t a risen. 

And suddenly, there was no noise. It was quiet. For the first time in days, it was absolutely, blissfully, peacefully quiet. And Ray felt a raking sob rise in his chest as he wept with relief, despite his lack of tears. It was gone. The noise of the risen was finally gone.

At first, that’s all he really could focus on. The quiet. His brain wasn’t exactly working to full capacity, the hunger and thirst had taken such a toll. But he knew that he was so happy, so utterly relieved that the noises had stopped. And that was it. It took him a few moments before he thought of what that quiet really meant. Safety. He was saved. Someone had saved him! He felt his heart rate pick up as he struggled to sit up straight, but suddenly he could barely even move his arms.

Then the person on the roof of the car hopped down and he heard more noises, and the man (he was now sure it was a man) was grunting as Ray figured he was dragging the risen away from the car. And then Ray was struck with a strange feeling. Was this real? Was this really happening? He worried that maybe he had passed out, delirious from hunger. That this was all just a dream. But if it was a dream, it was a vivid one. And if it was a dream, it was better than reality. So what harm was there in going along with it? “I’m in here!” He croaked, but he didn’t think anyone heard him.

Suddenly, the man was pulling on the door handle and finding it locked. “Hey, is someone in there?” He called, though not too loudly, which Ray distantly registered as smart. Ray tried to respond, he did, but all that came out was a squeak. He watched as the man smeared a section of the window clean and an eye appeared, looking around, and widening as it saw Ray. “Hey! Are you okay? Can you unlock the door?” He called encouragingly. Ray tried to move, but couldn’t. He didn’t know if it was shock, or if all of his exhaustion and hunger and dehydration was hitting him all at once, or if the adrenaline of being saved was exhausting him, but he couldn’t move. He blinked his eyes and tried to speak, and the eye at the window watched him struggle.

“Shit! I got here just in time it looks like! Don’t freak out, I’m going to break the window. But then we gotta move because it’s gonna make a lot of noise.” He spoke just loud enough for Ray to hear. Ray didn’t know how he was going to get anywhere, but he nodded lightly and the man saw and moved away from the window. “Ok, 3, 2, 1…” *Smash!* A massive crowbar, matted with blood and, disgustingly, Ray registered with some part of his mind, strands of hair, crashed through the window. In a shower, the safety glass broke into a million rounded beads, though none got into Ray’s staring eyes. Then the crowbar retreated and an arm was reaching through to unlock the door from the inside.

Ray watched all of this with a sort of detached bewilderment. He had been so sure he was dead. That he was about to die. And then he thought, maybe he could be dead right now. Or unconscious. He certainly couldn’t move or interact with this world at all, so maybe he was sleeping. Or a ghost.

But no. He shook his head a little, trying to clear it. The man had seen him. Had spoken to him. This was real. This had to be real. And if Ray could escape, if he could just somehow survive this, maybe Nora could too. Maybe she was alive and now Ray was going to live too, and maybe he could find her! Suddenly, he felt his heart swell with hope and he found the strength to sit up a little, to hold his head up and watch the door opening.

At first, the light of the open door blinded Ray. But when his eyes adjusted, all he saw at first was the helmet. His saviour was wearing a shining chrome-plated motorcycle helmet with shaded visor. Then Ray looked at the rest of him. The bloody extra-long crowbar rested casually over his shoulder and he wore a thick, rugged leather jacket, a blue t-shirt showing below. He wore thick jeans and work boots beneath that. Very practical, protective clothing, and all of it worn in and dirty from use. For a moment, he just stood there, the mysterious helmeted figure that had just saved his life, as Ray goggled at him. And then he spoke.

“Oh, shit!” He said, pulling off the chrome helmet. And as he did, Ray could swear that time had slowed down. The face beneath was tanned and smiling. His overgrown dirty-blonde hair wild and thick, his patchy beard roughly shorn and kept short. His blue eyes shining and friendly. He noticed all of this in an instant, but what Ray noticed most in that moment as time froze, was the spark in his heart. The shock he’d felt as he saw that face. 

This man, this mysterious stranger who had shown up in the eleventh hour to save his live... was absolutely beautiful. He stood there for a moment, holding his helmet at his side against the black leather of his jacket, smiling at Ray. “Sorry, I forgot about the helmet.” He said, shrugging apologetically. “I’m Nate. You’re gonna be okay, I’m going to get you out of here.” He said, and Ray felt his heart flutter. And that’s when everything went dark.  
   
 

 

“I’m Nate. You’re gonna be okay, I’m gonna get you out of here.” Nate said, smiling down at the man. He was tall, but thin, and frail looking, though surprisingly clean. He had soft brown eyes that looked back at Nate’s in apprehension, and for some reason, he found them captivating. The man’s jaw and chin were cut like a superhero’s, and Nate could still somehow appreciate the jewel-cut handsomeness of the face despite his cheekbones cutting out prominently due to his hollowed out hungry cheeks. Though that was a very strange thought to be having at a time like this, he noted abstractly to himself.  
The stranger wore jeans and a burgundy sweater with a hood that read ‘Palmer Technologies’. It was a terrible choice for survival, Nate noted. The hood could be grabbed way too easily. For a second, all Nate could do was stare. It had been so long since he had seen something beautiful.

Despite the disgusting surroundings, this man seemed to glow. And suddenly Nate found himself thanking God he had gotten here fast enough to save him. Because what a waste, if this man were to have died here, surrounded by... Nate shuddered. There was just something about him. Those intelligent eyes that were locked with his. That were rolling back into his head. That were fluttering shut. Shit! He was passing out! Nate put down his crowbar and rushed to help.

Climbing inside the car through the driver’s side, Nate leaned over the center console to check on the man. He put his hand on his cheek and lifted his head. “Hey! Are you okay?” He said a few times, lightly shaking him but supporting his face, cupped gently in his hand. The man didn’t moan, didn’t move, his eyes didn’t flutter. He was out cold. “Shit.” Nate said to himself, looking around trying to think of a plan. That’s when he saw the gun fall limply out of the man’s hand.

Nate snatched the pistol up immediately, opening the barrel to check the rounds. There were three shots. Nate eyed the man as he closed the barrel, engaged the safety, and carefully stored the weapon in the back of his pants, tucked into his belt. And he tried not to think of what deadly purpose this gun had been meant for. He hadn’t had enough shots to fight off the hoard that was surrounding the car, and the gun was in the guy’s hand… Nate shuddered again as he looked back to the perfect face and tried not to picture a bullet hole there as he carefully got his arms under the man’s and got ready to try to move him.

As it turned out, despite being thin and not overly heavy, the man’s height made moving him very difficult. Nate struggled to get him over the center console and out the driver’s side door. Eventually he got him free, grunting as he took the weight and stood up, emerging again into the daylight as he cradled the man in his arms and looked around carefully. In the distance, he could see some bodies slowly shambling towards them and he knew they didn’t have much time. He had made too much noise in the fight and breaking the window. They’d be drawn from all over and Nate needed to be gone by the time they got there. Especially now that his arms were full carrying this man. Luckily his car wasn’t too far away.  
Struggling a little, Nate readjusted the man’s weight so that he could reach down and grab his crowbar. And then he carefully stepped around the rotten, bloody bodies on the ground, and started the walk back to his car, the man cradled in his arms. Though he didn’t weigh much to begin with, after a while he seemed to grow heavier with every step. As Nate walked down the pavement towards his car, he began to really struggle. But he didn’t for a second consider abandoning him. He looked down at his face again, wondering about the strange connection he felt to it, and adjusted the man again in his arms.

The jostling of the adjustment seemed to wake him up a little this time, his eyes fluttering open and his hand moving to brace against Nate’s chest. He looked up at Nate and, astonishingly, a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. Nate felt his own responding in kind as he looked down at him and their eyes connected. And as they connected, Nate felt a tugging at his heart. Nate had helped many survivors at this point, dozens. Many of them still traveled with him, others opting to stay in holed up locations. But he had never felt such an instant connection with any of them. And this man hadn’t even said a word yet. What the hell?

“You’re going to be okay.” Nate whispered, smiling down at the man, and those eyes for a moment flashed relief, but then they rolled back and closed as the man lost consciousness again. When he was sure he was out, Nate looked up at the road ahead of him again. His car wasn’t far. And suddenly his burden felt lighter, and he picked up the pace, wanting to get him to safety as soon as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate is in a race against time to get Ray back to safety, and he is decidedly *not* going to think of how weird it is that he keeps noticing how handsome he is, and how much he cares about his survival. Will he make it before it's too late?

As Nate turned down yet another street looking for a clear path, he glanced at the clock on the dash of the run down SUV he was driving. Not for the first time, he wondered if it was accurate. There was no way for him to be sure. Not that time really mattered all that much anymore. There were two times of day, now. Day, and night. At this point, it didn’t really matter what time it was, it just mattered how much time had passed. According to the clock, he’d been driving for almost two hours. The man had been unconscious the whole time. Nate was getting worried.

A few times, Nate had stopped to check on him. He trickled some water on his dry lips, knowing if the man didn’t take some liquids in the next couple hours that he’d die. And for some reason, Nate really didn’t want him to die. He still couldn’t figure out why. He’d seen so many people come and go. So many deaths. People he loved rising from the dead and attacking him, driven by uncomprehending hunger and instinct to kill. 

Through all the horrors and trials Nate had experienced over the past year, all the lives come and gone, it made no sense that for him to care about this stranger. This stranger that had yet to even say a single word to him. And yet... he did. For some unknown reason, he needed this man to live. 

“It’ll be ok, Nor.” Nate said to the man, knowing he couldn’t hear him. But he wanted to encourage him. Tell him to fight. Because every time Nate had to turn around, every time their path was blocked by too many risen to plow past, he worried about him. It was taking too much time. They were so close, but every path seemed to be blocked. He needed to get back to his safe house where he had the supplies to try to nurse this man back to health. “You’ve gotta fight, Nor. You’re gonna be safe, you just have to make it there.” He had no idea what the man’s name was, but when he was searching his body for bites, he had found a black and white beaded bracelet around his wrist. On the bracelet was a little charm that read ‘Nor’.

He repeated the encouragement as he turned down yet another street and had to brake as the grouping of risen ahead was too thick to continue through. “Fuck.” He muttered to himself, eyeing the crowd blocking his path. He had already tried all the alternate routes. When had so many risen collected here? He had cleared the path just a day earlier when he had headed out on his salvaging expedition. 

He figured they were streaming out from the city. They were far enough away from Central City that this place had felt safe for a while, the groupings of risen had been manageable, which these days was the best you could hope for. But recently the number of bodies migrating from the south was increasing. Nate shuddered to think of the millions of dead there, and what would happen if they all decided to walk north together rather than trickle out on their own, little by little. 

The grouping ahead was thin enough but still prevalent. There was maybe 12-15 milling about the street. Most had already seen his car and were shambling slowly towards him. He looked over behind him and there were a couple in view there as well. Shit. There was only one thing to do. It was a good thing this SUV had all wheel drive. 

Looking over at the man beside him, Nate’s brow furrowed. He didn’t want to hurt him, he already looked like he would break if the wind blew too hard. He hadn’t even wanted the pressure of the seat belt over him before but this was about to get rough so Nate pushed the thought of Nor’s bones breaking against the strain of the seat belt from his mind and reached over his body to secure him in place. Nor’s eyes opened at the contact, finally awake, and after a moment of uncomprehending blinking, Nate saw them swell with pain and panic, and then start to slowly close again, like he was losing consciousness. Panicking himself, Nate reached out and patted the man’s head, running his fingers through the dark hair, trying to coax him back to consciousness.

At Nate’s touch, Nor’s eyes snapped over and met his and only then did he seem to relax a little. The panic ebbed and his eyes seemed to clear. “Easy, Nor.” Nate said soothingly and he ran his thumb over his soft hair one more time before returning his hand to the steering wheel. The man’s eyes fluttered a little and then turned quizzical as he processed the name. It was clear that ‘Nor’ was likely not his actual name. Nate hadn’t really thought so, it didn’t seem right. But he had had nothing else to go by. 

The man opened his mouth and his lip split from dryness, blood dribbling down his chin. He was trying to speak but all that would come out was a croak. Nate quickly pulled the water bottle out, and dribbled a small stream into the man’s mouth. He had to be careful not to let him take too much too quickly, lest Nor begin desperately drinking, which would do much more harm than good. 

The man kept his eyes locked on Nate’s as he had lifted the bottle to his lips, though they rolled back in pleasure as he took his first swallow of water. But soon he began to pant as he drank, like he couldn’t get enough, and then Nate pulled the bottle away and replaced the cap. “Don’t try to speak.” He said in what he hoped was a soothing tone. “We’ll be safe soon and I’ll take care of you. Try to brace yourself now. I’m going to have to push through a crowd of them. It’s our only choice.” Nate said, pulling his eyes away from the man’s and tightening his grip on the steering wheel. The first of the risen were just starting to get to the front of the vehicle as he revved the engine and took his foot off the brake.

The beat-up Hyundai Tucson lunged forward and struck two bodies in front of them, both were knocked aside. The next he hit head on and he was grateful for the height and traction the car afforded as the body got dragged under the wheels. Nate had seen many cars get stuck and surrounded when the risen got stuck under wheels, and if you couldn’t keep moving, you were basically dead. 

Nate managed to swerve past the next several risen but had to forcefully plow through a tight grouping as they turned the bend at the end of the street. Nate felt the impacts reverberate through his body as he tried not to think about the people that used to inhabit those bodies and focus on making sure the man beside him was alright. 

Soon, though, they were past the worst of it and Nate breathed easier as he saw the road ahead clear out and the familiar landmarks that told him he was getting close to his current home. His passenger had stayed quiet through the rough patch but Nate could see the pain in his eyes. “Almost there, I promise. You can meet my friends. You might even like some of them.” Nate said, trying to joke a little to lighten the mood, though soon he quieted as he thought about the people that would be waiting there for him. 

There was Kendra and Carter, Zari, and Leonard and his brother Mick. There were others he’d gathered, too, but many were in other safe houses. The groups splintered off as they would become too large to manage, usually at 6 or 7 or so. So there were others, but those were the people that he expected to be waiting for him to return. He really needed Zari’s medical help for Nor. She wasn’t a doctor, but she had learned a lot from Gideon and Caitlin, before their group had gotten too large and they’d moved to site Bravo. She had proved to be a natural at it and had a real healing touch, and he needed her now to help save this mysterious (and handsome) stranger. 

Nate saved people when he was out on supply runs. Fairly often, actually. But he normally saved them and then sent them on their way. He only sheltered and shared his supplies with those he deemed useful. And he absolutely only allowed people to join him if they had skills he could use and would need down the road. As such, he had collected quite the useful group of individuals, and it had contributed to their survival on several occasions.

He had found Kendra and Carter huddled together in a dumpster, surrounded by risen. When he finally got them free and assessed their skills, he found them to be expert level tracker and hunters. Invaluable, really, so he couldn’t let them go. Even if they annoyed the shit out of him with their constant lovey-dovey displays of public affection. When they weren’t out filling the stew pot with squirrel or rabbit, or, when they were extremely lucky, deer, Kendra and Carter were always within arms reach of each other. It wasn’t always making out or anything outright uncomfortable or gross. It was more subtle, but Nate noticed. Interlaced fingers, a hand on a knee, a head on a shoulder.

It was nothing he could reasonably ask them to stop, so he didn’t try. They weren’t doing anything wrong. But every time he saw them, it made his skin itch. He hated being touched. Not these days. He couldn’t even fathom the thought of human comfort and warmth at this point, his outlook had become so bleak over the past year. Everywhere he went, he was attacked. He wasn’t safe anywhere. So he’d put the walls up, both literally and metaphorically. He’d turned himself to steel.

He had done everything to keep himself safe over the past year, and in doing so he had built himself an island all to himself. Even around the others, he lived on his island. Alone. Without the comfort and warmth of human companionship. Yes he had friends, yes he cared for them and their safety, but he kept them all at arms length and he didn’t get involved in their mental or emotional well-being. 

Mental and emotional well-being were a luxury that people couldn’t afford these days, Nate figured. All he could try to do was tend to their physical well-being, and the rest was on them. And as for Nate’s mental and emotional well-being? Well, they had gone 11 months ago, around the time he had seen the life drain from his girlfriend Amaya’s eyes. He felt ice flush through his veins at the memory. That was the last time Nate had been warm, the last time he’d felt a connection with the man he used to be. Because the man he was then and the man he was now were two very different people. 

There were two Nates. The warm, loving, caring, goofy, and understanding Nate, and the cold, harsh, brash, brutal, don’t give-a-fuck Nate. And he’d been the latter for so long now he didn’t know if the other side still existed. The Nate that loved things, that was capable of caring deeply about things, was dead. That’s what he told himself. What was left may be an asshole, but he was an asshole that kept people alive and got the fucking job done. What else could anyone ask for?

Nate was thinking a lot, to himself, as he drove the last few miles without even paying attention to the road. Thinking about himself, the others, how far he had descended into darkness of the past months. Wondering if he was still a good person. He saved people. Did that make him good? Even though he didn’t feel love in his heart anymore? And why was he thinking so much? 

Nate hadn’t thought this much in ages. He had somehow managed to turn that part of himself off, to just live in the moment, to even allow himself to joke and have a little in the past several months, though it never touched his heart. But it turned out killing the risen with his crowbar was a blast if you just lived minute to minute, and didn’t allow the horror of the reality to seep in. 

For months he had achieved what he had thought was a near perfect post-apocalyptic version of nirvana. He had transcended his emotions and was living a cold life, but a relatively happy one. Living under constant attack, always having his guard up at every moment, never feeling safe, the feelings had crushed him until he broke through and decided he no longer gave a fuck about what “should have been” and he was going to start going on the attack himself. That was the key to surviving. Going on the attack. Never be the prey. ALWAYS be the predator. 

People like Kendra and Carter didn’t understand that, as ironic as that was, what with their status as the premiere group hunters. What they didn’t understand was that love and attachment... Those things made you weak in this new world. They gave you something to lose. And one thing Nate had learned since the world changed was that no matter how many times you think you’ve finally hit rock bottom, you always inevitably learn there is farther to fall. 

So while the need for human comfort was something that Nate didn’t understand anymore, he was still damned glad he had allowed them into his group. All of them. Because he needed the food Kendra and Carter brought in, and he needed the medical attention Zari could provide, and he needed the protection of Mick and Leonard, and he needed it all now. Nor needed their help. Nate looked over at him and winced as he saw the fight in those big brown eyes, but the light was fading there, he could tell. 

Without thinking, Nate reached over and put his hand on the man’s too-skinny leg and left it there, gently rubbing back and forth. Trying to provide comfort, to encourage him to hold on. Not thinking about anything other than wanting this man to live. Not thinking even for a moment about how strange and profound it was that he was touching and caring for another human being for the first time since that part of himself had died, all those months ago. Though maybe it hadn’t died at all. Maybe it had just been gone for a while. 

 

Ray’s eyes fluttered open and after a confusing moment, he realized he was in a new car, and the engine was running. It took a few seconds after that for him to get a grip on where he was and what had happened. In the first moments after regaining his awareness, Ray felt a rising tide of panic as he felt the horrible sensations of his starving body battling just to keep breathing. It was overwhelming, the pain. Lancing pain from his abdomen and a fiery burning in his lungs and throat. His tongue and lips were so dry and no matter what he tried, he couldn’t wet them. He wanted to cry, to mourn for his imminent death, because of course he was going to die. He had never experienced anything like this... the world around him seemed somehow thinner. Like it was fading away. Or had it always been like this? He suddenly couldn’t remember. 

Ray felt his eyes get heavy as he wanted to drift away, to fade out like the world was doing around him, but then the strap around him tightened and he felt soft fingers patting his head and running through his hair. It was so soft and gentle, and it was enough to give him strength, so Ray looked up and there they were. Those eyes, those bright blue eyes, staring into his own, and it was like a shot of epinephrine to Ray’s heart. The eyes were concerned, and the man who Ray remembered was called Nate, was looking worried. 

“Easy, Nor.” Nate said, and Ray wanted to ask why he called him that, his sister’s name, but when he tried to, he found he couldn’t speak, and his dry lips cracked and bled. The pain was horrible but somehow, Ray felt better now that he knew Nate was with him. And a moment later, Nate was raising a water bottle to Ray’s mouth and he was finally, after days without water, taking his first drink. It hurt, his throat didn’t want to work properly, but it was heavenly. Ray drank more and more and when he started to get ravenous Nate pulled the bottle away.

“Don’t try to speak.” Nate said, and his eyes wrinkled a little at the sides as he scrunched them in sympathy for Ray’s pain. “We’ll be safe soon and I’ll take care of you.” He said, and Ray felt a soothing warmth at the words, though it was soon replaced with more blinding pain. But the pain became more bearable, somehow. He was going to take care of him. 

“Try to brace yourself, now. I’m going to have to push through a crowd of them. It’s our only choice.” Nate said, his voice determined and confident. For whatever reason, Ray found he trusted him completely. Though, what other choice he had, he didn’t know. But if he had to be in anyone’s care, he was glad it was Nate. He seemed to have his shit together, at least in the new world’s terms. In the old world, this man would probably have been a lunatic. You had to be, to survive after the change. But this wasn’t the old world. Things had changed, and Ray was glad to be with Nate right now. And it didn’t hurt that he had eyes like a summer sky and a beautiful face and warm soft fingers to match.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really hoping you guys are liking this! I know it can be a little grim, but there is going to be levity to balance the angst I promise :) I'd love to hear what you think and if you want me to keep going!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray and Nate arrive at the safe house, but something is amiss. Things are not as safe as they once were. But despite the trouble, Nate and Ray's inexplicable connection continues to grow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The action starts to pick up in this chapter! Enjoy :)

Nate’s hand had remained on Ray’s knee for several minutes, and the rhythmic friction of his thumb rubbing back and forth was calming, steadying. And Ray was grateful. He was so unbelievably grateful. For a whole lot of things, really, including Nate saving his life from certain death. But mostly for his kindness in this moment. For his warmth and obvious caring, and for the comforting hand that was grounding him, keeping him connected to the world even as it faded away around him. Because things were getting...  _ Thin.  _ Darkness danced in his periphery and colour seemed to drain from the world, but for whatever reason, Nate remained as bright as ever. A beacon in the night, and Ray couldn’t seem to tear his eyes off of him. Nate was driving, his attention on the road. But still his hand remained. Steady and warm, and it helped Ray to bear the hideous pain.

He even managed a smile despite it all, as the realization dawned on him. If he was going to die, Ray was so grateful to get to do it here, with this nice, handsome, caring stranger rubbing his knee for comfort. He had been so close, SO close to ending it all in that car, surrounded by the horrible chorus of the risen. This was infinitely better.

 

But no. He shook his head a little, trying to shake off the haze. Screw that! He wasn’t going to die. He couldn’t die. Nora was still out there, and she might still need him. He had to hang on. For her. Luckily, they were only minutes away from the safe house that Nate assured him had a doctor and supplies and beds and everything. And the water that Nate had shared was starting to work its way through his body. His breathing was coming a little easier and his muscles were tingling as he supposed the blood in his veins was moving less sluggishly.

 

“This is it.” Nate said, turning and smiling at Ray as they turned yet another corner. Ray noticed that they had taken a lot of turns. They were in the middle of a housing development, one of those sprawling endless mazes of identical houses on courts and lanes and that made it all too easy to be lost in if you didn’t know your way. Thinking about it, it was actually a very smart idea. There was little chance of a large grouping of risen coming through with all the turns and houses and backyards to get through. And the house looked like it was very comfortable.

 

“Zari is going to make you better, I promise. And you’ll meet the rest of them. Mick is a bit of an idiot, but I needed Leonard for my group and they were a package deal. But it turns out Mick is actually a pretty good guy, beneath it all. And he is tough as  _ hell. _ I’ve slept a lot easier with Mick and Leo on watch. And he can basically make fire appear from nowhere, which has come in handy on a few nights stranded out after dark.” Nate continued animatedly as he backed the car into the driveway. When he parked, he got out and moved over to Ray’s door to help him out.

 

“Then there’s Zari. Strictly speaking, she didn’t have many special skills when this all started, but she’s my oldest friend and we got through the Dying Day together, so she has a permanent place here. Plus she’s basically a doctor these days, she learned so much from our other friends before they left, and she spends just about every minute poring over salvaged medical textbooks. I actually have a new one in the trunk I got on this run that she is going to lose her shit over.” He continued with a smile, pausing to lean over Ray to undo the seat belt. Their eyes connected as he withdrew, inches from Ray’s face, and for an instant it was like time stopped, and he thought maybe Nate’s breath had hitched too, but then he was past and the moment gone, and he pressed on with his tale of introductions after a slight cough. 

 

“And then there’s Kendra and Carter. They’re disgusting together but they’re the best hunters I’ve ever known. Rain or shine, they won’t let you go hungry.” Nate paused to take a breath from his animated chatter, and smile down at Ray. “I don’t want to brag, but I’ve got a pretty kickass group here. I wonder if you’ll have any useful skills, once we get you all patched up?” Nate asked cheerfully, not expecting an answer, as he reached out to lift Ray out of the car with a grunt. And Ray knew he was saying it lightly, only joking, but the question sent a pit to his already aching stomach.

 

Skills? Ray had no skills that could be valuable to Nate. Being a physics student and dabbling in electrical engineering, however good at it he may have been, were skills that were neither practical nor helpful in their current situation. He’d been a runner, he'd even won the state championship once, and he acted in the Central City University’s theatre group... So yeah, still completely useless. What few practical skills he had come from a few merit badges he had earned in the boy scouts, before he’d had to quit so he could join the school robotics team. Though he was still pretty good at foraging and finding edible plants in the wild, actually. Was that a skill that would satisfy Nate?

 

Nate’s arms were strong and steady as he carried Ray around the car and walked towards the path leading up to the house. A moment ago, Ray would have enjoyed the feeling of being carried in such a protective way, but now all Ray could do was rest his head against the broad chest, and worry. He couldn’t stop worrying. And it seemed that if he wasn’t worried about dying, he was equally worried about surviving. 

 

Not for the first time, Ray thought that he wasn’t cut out for this new world. Nate, though. Now HE was fit for this new world. He seemed to thrive in it. Or, at least he appeared to from the outside. Ray was very well aware that sometimes appearances were deceiving. But for now he had no reason to doubt him. 

 

As Nate climbed the front steps, Ray’s mind was still racing. What could he offer? What other skills did he have? Math, science, amateur background stage acting, foraging… And then his mind went somewhere he wasn’t expecting. Could he offer... himself? Ray didn’t have any misconceptions that he was some sort of catch, and he had absolutely no idea if Nate would be interested in that sort of thing. But, well, Ray was desperate. It was a desperate stupid thought, brought on by the delusions of near-death, and the desire to stay here, where it was safe. And Nate’s good looks and kindness certainly had something to do with it. He nervously took a peek up at Nate’s handsome tanned face with wild tawny brown hair, and he couldn’t help but wonder. Would that be a skill he was interested in?

 

Ray was looking up at Nate when his expression changed from happy to apprehensive, the change happening in an instant. His eyebrows knitted, his eyes narrowed, his mouth turning to a hard line. “FUCK!” He whispered sharply, then looked down at Ray in his arms in despair. Ray managed to croak out a feeble ‘what?’ as he looked into those terrified eyes. Or were they angry? Ray didn’t know, but he did know that all at once, Nate’s face had transformed from sweet to  _ dangerous. _

 

Ray watched anxiously as he saw Nate looking back and forth, seemingly scanning for a place to leave Ray that would be safe. “Fuck. Fuck.” He whispered again. “The door’s unlocked. It’s never unlocked. I can’t leave you here. Shit, what do I do?” He was thinking to himself out loud, and Ray could hear the anguish and worry there. He felt his heart start to pound in response and the tingling in his limbs got worse.

 

Then, they were moving. Ray supposed Nate had decided on bringing Ray in with him. He cautiously and quietly opened the front door and slowly stepped over the threshold. Ray, in all his worry, had a delirious thought of how this must look, him being cradled and held as they walked over the threshold into this house. Ray used to have dreams of moments like this. But this was nothing like those dreams. There was an eerie quiet to the house, and the tension was dripping off of Nate as he slowly tiptoed through the front hall, his eyes darting everywhere. He looked left into a front sitting room with sofas and headed in that direction.

 

Nate made his way through the room surprisingly quietly, considering the burden he was carrying. He stopped in front of one of the couches after making sure the room was clear. Then he leaned his head down and pressed his lips right to Ray’s ear. In another moment, the chills this sensation gave him would have been pleasant, but in this moment, both men were so on edge that Ray couldn’t enjoy it. “I have to put you down. I’ll keep you safe, I promise.” He more breathed than whispered. Then he pulled back a little and looked into Ray’s eyes, waiting for him to agree. Ray nodded just a little. He was scared, but he couldn’t be an anchor in Nate’s arms if he needed to fight.

 

So Nate lowered Ray carefully onto the sofa and then he raised his crowbar and held it with both hands. With his back to Ray, he stood still and listened. After a few moments passed, Ray was finding his heart swell in the hopes that they were okay, that no one was here. Nate’s friends weren’t here, obviously, and that was a problem, but that at least in the present moment they were safe from the risen. But then there was a noise in the kitchen. They both heard it, clear as day. Like something had bumped into a table and the legs had groaned against the tile floor.

 

Nate’s head snapped in that direction, and then he looked back at Ray. Ray thought he was asking permission to leave him, to investigate the kitchen. Ray nodded his head quickly and looked to the kitchen. ‘GO’, he mouthed. Of course Ray wanted him to go! There was something in the kitchen, and he had the impression that it wasn’t an invited guest. Nate looked pained for a second, then turned and looked around through the front hall, in the opposite direction from the kitchen, to make sure that area was seemingly clear. When he didn’t find any other uninvited guests there, he nodded his head, steadied his crowbar, and stalked silently towards the kitchen.

 

Everything was quiet as Nate crept towards his target, except for Ray’s ragged breathing, harsh in his own ears. And then, as he sat there, terrified, his heart pounding, he suddenly realized it wasn’t for himself. With a start, he realized he was actually so worried for Nate’s well-being that he was almost beside himself. His fear was more for Nate than himself in this moment, and it was almost enough to give him the strength to get up and go help him. Almost. His limbs still weren’t working properly, still tingling and agonizing as the oxygen returned to his muscles. He watched as Nate rounded the corner, and when he was out of sight and Ray was alone, Ray felt the first tear that he’d been able to produce in over a day form and drip down his cheek.

 

Soon, there were loud noises coming from the kitchen. Banging, a struggle, Nate grunting… and the unmistakable groan of a risen. Ray’s heart dropped. He guessed he had still had been holding out hope that it was an animal or something, but no. The safe house was safe no more. For now, at least. Ray wondered how it got in. And where Nate’s friends were. And then a thought hit him like a truck, and it was as if he’d been doused with ice water. What if the risen in the kitchen WAS one of Nate’s friends? God, he hoped not. That would just be too hard. Ray had been faced with known risen before, both friends and family, and every time he was confronted with it, another little part of his soul died. Please, he pleaded in his mind. Please, let Nate’s friends be okay.

 

Ray’s attention was fixed on the door Nate had gone through, in the direction of the noises in the kitchen. So much so that he almost didn’t notice in time. But there it was. A man, in its former life, now a monster. Shambling towards him, reaching out in uncomprehending and agonizing hunger. Part of its neck was gone and there were three bloody bullet holes in his torso. Some fool must not have known they needed to take out the head. Absurdly, in that moment of panic, Ray wondered what had happened to the person that had shot him. Were they ok?

 

Ray watched almost in slow motion as the thing shambled closer. Ray had no defense. No voice. No way to scream for Nate, even if Nate hadn’t already been occupied in his own life or death struggle in the other room. He couldn’t run, his legs wouldn’t carry him. Though suddenly, probably spurred by adrenaline, Ray found the strength to move his arms. Unfortunately there was nothing within arms reach to use as a weapon, so he grabbed a throw pillow, knowing it wouldn’t help. But he had to have something in his hands. He had to go down fighting, even if his only option seemed to be a pillow fight with a dead man. A hysterical laugh left his chest and he prepared himself as best he could as the thing closed in.

 

Then, it was on him. All of its weight, its arms clawing and grabbing. Ray had stuffed the pillow in its face, trying to stop it from biting him, and he focused all his adrenaline-fueled strength on keeping the pillow in place. Not getting bitten. He let the arms flail and grab, try to pull him towards those chomping teeth. With the pillow between them, the arms could only hurt him. Not kill him. But if and when his strength left him, and he couldn’t keep the pillow between them, he knew it would be over. He couldn’t help the shout that left him, it was the loudest noise he’d made for days, since his throat had dried up.

 

Ray was pressed up against the back of the couch, the monster on top of him, lashing back and forth trying to get its teeth into Ray’s flesh, and Ray knew he couldn’t hold on much longer. And then the noises stopped coming from the kitchen, and Ray felt his heart drop, and some of his last strength sap from his arms. Nate. All Ray could think of was that he was gone, that his crowbar hadn’t been enough. He was lost, and any second, Ray would be too. 

 

But then, ‘THWACK’! There was a loud wet sound and a crunching of bone, and the monster fell forward on top of Ray with a limp and heavy finality, like a puppet with cut strings. He was dead. Holy shit, he was dead! And somehow, Ray was still alive. He tried in vain to process all of this, but failed. He was completely overwhelmed. He had thought he and Nate were done for. He was so sure. 

 

“Get. The. Fuck. OFF OF HIM!” Nate growled at the body as he pulled it off and away from the couch violently. And then Nate was rushing towards Ray, kneeling before him and leaning over him. His hand cupped his face and he looked into his eyes. “Are you okay?” He asked, his voice so pained it was hard to hear, and he quickly checked Ray for bites before looking back into his eyes, a little relieved.

 

Ray wanted to nod, to reassure Nate that he was alright, but instead he just felt his eyes widen as he tried to dry them and deny the tears that wanted to fall. He kept contact with Nate’s worried, beautiful eyes and for some reason that made the tears even harder to hold back. Why did he feel such a connection with this face? Even now, spattered with blood and dirt, his thick hair wild, he was beautiful. And Ray could swear he could feel this man’s soul reach out through his eyes and ensnare him, connect with his own. And then the tears fell unbidden from Ray’s eyes. And unexpectedly, they began to fall from Nate’s eyes too.

 

Then Nate moved forward onto the couch, pulling Ray on top of him and holding him close like a child. Embracing him, holding him, rocking him. Pressing his face into Ray’s neck and breaking down into sobs that made Ray want to fight the pain and wrap his own arms around Nate, to rub his back in reassurance like Nate had done for him earlier. Nate was sniffling against Ray’s neck. “They’re gone. They’re all gone. I don’t know where they are.” He said through sobs and Ray managed to move one hand up to his head to pat his hair. Ray could hear his pain, his worry for his friends and he felt helpless and deeply saddened. Nate was obviously someone who, despite the harsh and treacherous new world they lived in, still cared about people. Despite complaining about these people almost the whole ride here, Ray knew he loved them. They were his family in this horrible place, and now they were gone.

 

“I thought…” Nate sniffed. “I came in and I saw—I thought you—I thought you were gone too, that I’d left you and—and—“ He said through the tears as he held Ray close and continued to rock gently. Ray managed a calming ‘shhhhhh’ as he patted Nate’s head. “I’m so glad you’re alright, Nor. I, I don’t know what I’d have done if I’d lost you so quickly. I’m going to take care of you, and I’ll never leave you like that again. I promise.” Nate said, finally pulling his tear-soaked face back from Ray’s neck and looking at him through bloodshot eyes. “You know, I still don’t know your real name.” He said suddenly, and Ray managed a small smile.

 

“Ray” He mouthed, accompanied by a small croak of the word, and Nate smiled widely, his white teeth shining in the dim light.

 

“Ray.” Nate tried the name, and smiled, then nodded. “You’re right.” He said. “It is Ray. I don’t get it, but I have this weird feeling like I already should have known that. That I already should have known  _ you _ . Do you feel it too?” Nate asked, his voice a whisper, but he held the eye contact boldly. He wasn’t whispering from shyness. It was almost… reverence.

 

Slowly, Ray felt his face heat up, and then a shy smile pulled up on one corner of his lips. He maintained his contact with those beautiful sky coloured eyes as he nodded just a little, and watched as they brightened immediately, and Nate returned the smile and pulled him close. And again, Ray wondered if this was all just a dream. If he was really just stuck back in that forsaken car, lost in his head. Because he wasn’t sure how this could be real. But then again… if this was a dream, Ray never wanted to wake up. Because real or not, the feeling of Nate's strong but gentle arms around him made Ray feel safe in a way hadn't felt in a long, long time. And he liked it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to those reading this! An an especial thanks for the kudos and comments! I never expect any because I know this is a small fandom, I'm writing honestly for myself just because I love these boys so much and wanted to add to the steelatom fandom! But i still appreciate every single kudos and comment, they honestly make my day <3 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying this and I'd love to hear any thoughts on this chapter!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're seemingly safe now from the immediate danger of risen, but Ray isnt quite out of the woods yet.

The minutes stretched on, and still Nate clung to the man. He couldn’t seem to stop. He knew they’d only just met, that they hadn’t even talked yet, but for some reason that Nate couldn’t quite figure out he found himself incredibly comforted by his proximity. It felt like he had known him for years, actually. Or, that he  _ should _ have. It was the craziest thing. He’d never felt anything like it before. Actually, it was usually the opposite. It normally took Nate a long time to warm up to people. He liked to keep his circle small. Something like this truly was all together without precedent in his life thus far.

 

And yet here he was. And if Nate was being honest, Ray was providing him so much comfort at this moment, in this terrifying situation… Nate suddenly decided he wasn’t going to question it. The world was changed, he reasoned. People could skip the getting to know each other phase. Who had time for that?   
  
What he also wasn’t going to question was the knowledge that no matter the circumstance (and they had been through a lot together), no matter the horror they had endured together, Nate had  _ never _ had the impulse to hug his friends for comfort. Of his current group, only Zari had ever even seen him cry. She had been with him when the horde separated him from Amaya and his dog Beebo. Or, as Nate referred to it, the day his life ended. He’d cried and cried that night, but he hadn’t hugged Zari and clung to her for comfort, like he was doing now. It had never even occurred to him.   
  
Nate couldn’t explain what was happening as he clenched his fingers in the thick material of Ray’s hoodie and pulled him closer. He  _ was _ scared for his group. He was terrified that something had happened to them. Because as much as they annoyed the shit out of him, those were his friends and he loved them. But Nate couldn’t shake the knowledge that without Ray here, he wouldn’t have been driven to tears. Crying just wasn’t his default setting. Even now he was already thinking of a few places to look for them. Without Ray here, Nate would have probably just gone full rage-mode on some risen, worked out his anxiety with work and physical exertion, maybe smoked a joint at the end of the night. And he’d find them. Whatever it took, he would find them. Living, dead, or otherwise.   
  
But now, here he was, crying into the neck of some stranger. A handsome and magnetic stranger, sure. But that’s what he was, a stranger. No matter how familiar he felt in Nate’s heart. And, had he just referred to Ray as being handsome in his brain? Fuck, Nate had no idea what was happening to him. But he was determined not to question it. Because why should he question anything that had the ability to bring comfort in the shitfire world he lived in? What was the point? Fuck all of that. He didn’t have to hide and censor himself these days. There was no audience to appease, no parents to disappoint or societal pressure on him, because there was no fucking society anymore. So fuck it, if he wanted to be with a man, why not?   
  
And then Nate froze, his muscles tensing for a moment. Had he just thought about being with a man? Like,  _ with _ a man? Holy shit. And then, after a pause...  _ whatever _ . In a split second decision, he was going with it. He wasn’t going to label it or put any pressure on it, but if this was a good guy (and he was sure that he was), and if this weird connection they had made him even fractionally happier than he had been these last eleven months, why the fuck not.   
  
After several minutes of holding onto Ray like living or dying depended on it, Nate had finally worked out his feelings enough, levelled his head enough, to return to reality. He pulled back, sniffed one final time and wiped his wet cheeks with the sleeve of his jacket that he hadn’t had the chance to remove yet. He was looking into Ray’s wide brown eyes. He knew he must be scared, so Nate had to shake this off and be strong now. Because Ray was still delicate. He needed help. Nate smiled shyly and shrugged at Ray. “I guess I must have needed that.” He said, sniffing a little and wiping his eyes one last time. “Sorry. And thanks.” Nate said, and he chuckled a little nervously.   
  
Ray smiled through his own tears in response and managed a croaky “Thank  _ you _ ”. His eyes shone as he smiled, his whole face lit up. Nate felt his breath hitch at the sight. He looked so different, so much brighter. How Ray even found the strength to smile, Nate didn’t know. He didn’t have anything left in the tank BEFORE that monster had attacked him. Where he was at right now, Nate shuddered to think.   
  
“I don’t know where my friends are.” Nate started, needing to say something so he didn’t continue to just sit there gawking. “Looks like there were two risen, and not much sign of a struggle from what I can see. I don’t know what the hell happened here but there’s no blood, so that’s a good sign. Well, there WAS no blood. Before…” He said, trailing off. Honestly the mess he’d made with his crowbar was enough to make him consider closing this safe house and finding another. He hated cleaning.   
  
“You think they’re okay?” Ray breathed and mouthed, and Nate found he understood him without a problem. The concern that was plain to see on Ray’s face caused Nate’s heart to clench. He was worried. Worried about people he didn’t know and had never even met. It was yet another sign that this was a good person, that Nate’s initial instincts about him were correct. But if Nate was being truthful, he wasn’t looking for proof. He normally went through long periods with no trust, as he determined whether someone was on the level or not. He had been fooled in the past.  People he had considered friends had betrayed him, and others had died as a result. But for some reason, with Ray, he just  _ knew _ . This was a good guy. They were meant to meet. Nate was meant to save him.   
  
“I don’t know. I really don’t. But I know they didn’t die here. Or, if they did, it wasn’t from risen. They’re just… gone.” He shrugged, before continuing. “There’s really two plans of action we can take. We can secure the doors and hole up here, and hope that they’ve just gone somewhere and that they’ll be back.” Nate said, holding out one finger and tapping it with his other hand. Then he held out a second finger. “Or we can go looking for them while the trail is still warm.” He said, tapping the second finger.   
  
“You need to go look for them.” Ray croaked, his face serious and his eyes shimmering again, perhaps with withheld tears. Nate rolled his eyes and tossed his head back a little. Of course Ray would say something like that. Who was this guy? No one was selfless in the new world.  _ No one _ .   
  
“Yeah,  _ that’s  _ not going to happen.” He replied with a scoff. “I was just saying it to sound objective. We’re staying here. There’s no way you’d make it if we left now.” Nate continued, blowing off Ray’s stupid (and brave, and altruistic, and heroic, and sweet) idea. He tried to ignore the tear that fell from Ray’s eye, and then he was lifting him off and settling him back against the other side of the couch. Then Nate moved to perch on the edge right next to Ray, who reached out and looked him straight in the eye.   
  
“They’re your friends. You have to go. I’m just… just…” Ray wheezed, trailing off, and Nate knew he was doing an amazing acting job, trying to look strong, brave. Because Nate could almost buy it.   
  
“You can stop wasting your energy now, because you need it. I’m not going anywhere. So shut up and let me take care of you, you doofus.” Nate said, pointing strongly and mock threateningly towards the other man at the end. Ray didn’t respond, but he did raise one eyebrow dramatically, accompanied by a questioning smirk, and Nate couldn't help the laugh that escaped him. Then he shook his head and smiled at Ray fondly in admiration. Even on death’s door, this guy was funny.   
  
“Don’t give me that look!” Nate responded, laughing, and he leaned down onto Ray in a playful way for a brief second, almost on instinct. “You heard what I said!” He joked, and Ray smiled. And in that moment, as Nate appreciated that beautiful view, he realized that he really liked making Ray smile. Then Ray’s face softened. He looked sad for a moment and his serious eyes bore into Nate’s, paralyzing him.   
  
“Thank you.” He whispered, and the sincerity there was breathtaking.   
  
“Don’t worry about it. And don’t worry about them…. I mean… there’s no real reason to worry.” He didn’t add the ‘yet’. But it was implied. Because if his friends weren’t back within a day or two, he didn’t think they’d be coming back. He hoped that by then, once he got some water and electrolytes into him, Ray would be strong enough to come along and they could go after them. But… he hoped it wouldn’t come to that. Nothing good would come of that. So they had to come back. They had to.   
  
Trying to shake off the thought of his friends in danger, he decided the best thing to do was move forward assuming they’d be coming back. And if they could be back at any minute, Nate needed to get the safe house back in order. So he stood up (a little hesitantly), looked down at Ray, and clapped his hands together, dusting them off. “Okay. I’m going to get these two dead fuckers out of here. But first, you need some more water. But you can’t have too much at a time. Try to pace yourself. I’m going to put some electrolyte powder in it. That should help.” Nate said. Ray smiled and nodded, and Nate turned to head towards the kitchen.   
  
Upon returning to the scene of his fight, Nate remembered the extent of the mess he’d made. He scrunched up his face in distaste. At least it was mostly over in the table area, not so much near the counters. He stepped over the body to get to a water bottle and some supplies. He scooped out a heaping serving of Gatorade powder into the bottle and then filled it from a large jug that was on the counter. Stepping back over the body, he returned to Ray and handed him the bottle.   
  
The look of pure, unadulterated relief and pleasure on Ray’s face was amazing and Nate drank it in. He needed happy thoughts, especially right now. Ray drank each sip with reverence and an amount of pleasure that made Nate think of other things… things he really shouldn’t be thinking of at this moment. Things that were incredibly confusing to him. And that thought made Nate nervous so he awkwardly jumped up and said “Well I’ll get this guy out of your hair…”. He grabbed the foot of the risen, turned and knelt so that it was over his shoulder, his hands bracing from the front, and he stood, lifting the body and letting it dangle from behind him. Moving the risen was dirty work, there was no way getting around it. And he really didn’t want to clean up the streak he’d cause if he tried to drag the thing outside.   
  
After about 20 minutes, Nate had dumped both bodies over the fence into the neighbour’s yard and re-secured the entrances to the house. They were safe. Ray had done as he was told, and he was pacing the water bottle, but it was almost empty as Nate returned to him. “That wasn’t so bad! How are you feeling?”   
  
“So much better oh my God… oh… oh my God! My voice! I can talk!” He said and he was right, Nate could hear him. His voice was hoarse still, it sounded painful, but he could talk. Nate smiled widely, but then his brows knitted in worry.   
  
“Maybe you shouldn’t so much yet, you might hurt yourself…” He said nervously, and Ray smiled and rolled his eyes dramatically.   
  
“Nate, do you know how much I’ve wanted to say in the past day? I can talk, I’m not going to stop.” He said, his voice turning to a croak by the end. He really was pushing it. Nate didn’t know why he cared so much--if the guy wanted to talk, he should talk. But all Nate could think of was that he’d promised to take care of him.   
  
“Are you always this stubborn?” He asked, raising one eyebrow. Ray smiled a silly smile and shrugged in a ‘yep, sorry!’ type fashion and Nate laughed. “Well fuck, you’re going to make it hard for me to take care of you then!” He laughed. Then he looked around. “This room is disgusting, let’s go to the TV room and pretend something good is on. You need another bottle of that, and I’ll make you some broth.” Nate said, looking down at Ray.   
  
“Sounds good.” He croaked, his newly returned voice already leaving him from pushing too hard too fast. Ray obviously didn’t have the willpower for proper vocal rest. Nate was going to have to try to help him with that. “Thank you, Nate. For… everything.” He said, the words sweet despite their hoarseness, and Nate smiled.   
  
“Don’t even mention it. I know I said it before, but I have this crazy feeling like we were meant to meet, that I was meant to help you. So let me fucking help you and shut up for a minute so your vocal chords can rest.” He said, laughing. “Let’s go.” Nate said, leaning down to pick Ray up, but he paused mid-motion and caught himself before he touched Ray. Nate was filthy. His jacket and shirt underneath were disgusting after dispatching and disposing of those bodies. He hesitated and took a step back, looking down at himself again. He really didn’t want to pick up Ray and press him against his disgusting jacket.   
  
“Fuck, I’m disgusting, I’m sorry I almost picked you up. Here, I’ll fix it.” Nate said and Ray quirked an eyebrow and smiled as Nate began to unzip his jacket and take it off. Then he peeled the sweaty shirt he had underneath over his head. He stood there, completely naked from the waist up, a little awkward, and shrugged. “That’s better, right?” He asked nervously.   
  
Ray smiled. “Much better.” He wheezed, and Nate wasn’t sure if he was talking about the dirt or something else. He smiled shyly and bent to hook his arms under Ray’s arm and knees. This time Ray was strong enough to wrap his arms around Nate’s neck to hold himself in place. He placed his cheek against Nate’s bare chest and left it there as he walked. Nate again wasn’t sure if he did that because he couldn’t hold his head up or if it was because… because he wanted to. Nate felt his cheeks flush as he realized he hoped it was the latter.   
  
It didn’t take long to get to the other room, and Nate carefully placed Ray down onto the large L-shaped sectional. “Much better.” He said as he looked down at Ray and the absence of blood and gore around him. A minute later he returned with another bottle for Ray to nurse and he had started the little burner they had set up out the back window to heat up a can of chicken broth. Nate knew his care wasn’t as good as Zari’s would have been, and that Ray really needed a doctor, but he hoped he was doing a good job in her absence. Ray certainly seemed to be perking up with every bottle he drank.   
  
By the time he finished the soup, Ray was crashing. He was yawning and nodding off over his mug, and Nate had to keep him awake to finish it. He wanted him to finish it, as much as Ray needed sleep, his body needed hydration, salt, and calories. When he was finally done, Nate couldn’t help himself. The words left his lips before he could pull them back. “Good boy.” He said, and instantly his cheeks burned with embarrassment. Luckily, Ray only smiled sleepily and murmured thanks.   
  
Feeling relieved at the close call he’d just avoided, Nate took the empty mug and placed it on the table and turned to Ray. “Okay, you can sleep now.” Nate said softly. Ray smiled sleepily and cracked open a heavy eyelid. Nate smiled at him and sat there, not knowing what to do. Should he stay? Go? He guessed he could start on the clean up, though he really didn’t want to.   
  
“Nate?” Ray murmured, already dozing off, but reaching his hand out and groping for Nate’s with his eyes closed.   
  
“Right here.” Nate whispered back, reaching out his hand without even thinking and linking it with Ray’s.   
  
“Will you--would you lie with me? I just… don’t want to be alone.” He said, and Nate noticed Ray as he snuck a little peek up at him. Nate felt like warm water had washed through his body, it was gooey and nice. A weird reaction, to be sure. But all he could think was ‘ _ yes _ ’. Of course yes. So he answered without the need for much thought.   
  
“Of course.” He breathed as he kicked off his boots and crawled in behind Ray on the deep sofa. “Whatever you need.” He added, his voice unintentionally husky as he nuzzled into a good comfy position and Ray laid back against him. Nate wrapped his arm around his thin body because where else was he supposed to put his arm? But also because it felt right. And when Ray nuzzled back against him, under his arm? Well that felt right, too. Like they fit together. Though Ray  _ did _ need to put on a little weight. And Nate felt a swell of pride knowing that he had worked so hard to build a supply store, and that he would be able to help him with that. That he’d be able to provide for him, make him healthy and strong again. He smiled against the back of Ray’s head.   
  
“Nate?” Ray whispered again, his voice barely audible as he was obviously on the brink of sleep.   
  
“Yeah, Ray?” Nate whispered back.   
  
“Thank you.” He said with his last breath before falling into a deep and needed sleep. And as Nate felt Ray’s breathing evening out in front of him, he found his own eyes getting heavy. He had barely a minute to be glad that he had set up the bells at the front and back door before drifting off himself, as he lay there comforted with Ray in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys like this! I'd absolutely love to hear what you think :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The immediate danger is past, but where are Nate's friends?
> 
> Did Nate make the right move, staying with Ray rather than going after them?
> 
> But he's made his bed, now he's got to lie in it. Even if the bed was a couch, and he was sharing it with one very handsome and compelling complete stranger named Ray. But maybe they can drop the stranger part by getting to know each other?

Nate’s sleep was plagued by strange dreams. Amaya was there, but instead of the recurring nightmare she usually starred in, this was a new dream. The scene was happy at first, and it was set in the old world, before society had fallen as the dead had risen. “Where’s Ray?” she kept asking but Nate didn’t understand what she meant. Amaya got more and more upset as Nate continued to not understand her. “You lost him! Didn’t you?! You lost him!” Amaya screamed and cried but before Nate could find out what she meant, he awoke with a start in a cold sweat. At first, all he could feel was this vague panic, the echo of the dream, as he steadied his breathing. And then as that passed and his thoughts began to sharpen he could feel  _ Ray _ , fast asleep, his body pressed against his own.  _ Oh… yeah. _   
  
Nate looked at the clock on the wall. It didn’t work, so it was a futile reflex but it felt like he’d been out for hours. He didn’t know what time it was, all he knew was that it was now fully dark out, and his group still weren’t home. Well, he wasn’t expecting them really. But he’d still hoped. Though the idea of them returning home to find him here, shirtless on the couch with a stranger was a little awkward, if he was being honest. But he wouldn’t have minded if it meant knowing they were okay and not having to worry for another minute longer. 

Now wide awake, Nate wiggled a little as he pulled himself up to lean on his elbow. Ray seemed to flop limply as Nate moved around behind him, but he didn’t stir. Nate nudged him a little to see how deeply he was sleeping and he didn’t react at all, his breathing continuing its steady pace without even a stutter. Yep, out cold.   
  
Nate looked down at Ray where he lay. From this angle he could see the side of his face and it was so peaceful. When he was awake, Nate could always tell how much pain he was in. Even when he smiled. But in sleep, the pain seemed to be gone and he looked years younger. Nate watched in fascination as Ray’s lips separated a little bit. He was a little alarmed to find he had a strong urge to kiss those lips, which was completely strange for him. The fact that they were  _ male  _ lips made it even stranger. That was completely new. He wasn’t going to do anything about it at this moment, obviously, but the urge was there, he couldn’t deny it. And then he had a sudden thought met with a rush of defensiveness-- why  _ should _ he deny it? The world had ended. What else did he have left? He suddenly found himself hoping Ray would want to kiss him too. Because… that would be nice. It really would.   
  
So Nate wouldn’t kiss a sleeping man (creepy!) but he couldn’t help himself when he adjusted back down to lay on his side, reaching forward with his face to run his forehead and nose up the back of Ray’s head, nuzzling in close. And for a while, he was able to lie there, with his arms around him, in relative peace. But he couldn’t find his way back to sleep, and soon enough his mind was racing again. His brain was stuck was running through scenarios, worrying about his friends. Trying to come up with theories as to why the house showed little signs of struggle and yet there were 2 (and only 2) risen inside.   
  
He had this horrible worry that they had been taken. But that didn’t quite make sense because their well equipped stores of supplies hadn’t been raided. Surely any kidnappers or murderers would have robbed him blind? Unless they had been in a rush… he tried to force that from his mind, however, focus on other ideas. It unfortunately also crossed his mind that they could have just up and abandoned him like a shitty dad gone to get smokes in the world’s oldest deadbeat dad cliche. But besides from making absolutely zero sense for many other reasons, if they’d done that they hadn’t taken  _ anything _ with them. 

That’s the part that made the least sense about all this. Nothing was missing. Because regardless of the reason, whether they'd left on their own or they had been taken, he would have expected to have been robbed, for them to have taken everything or mostly everything if that were the case. Or at least  _ something _ . But nothing was missing. Even Kendra and Carter’s bows were still hanging by the door. This was bizarre. It was like they’d all just disappeared.   
  
Soon, Nate was too stressed to keep lying there, no matter how nice it felt to have Ray’s body pressed against his own. He gently got up and Ray rolled over without waking. Nate paced for a while, then decided to try to distract himself with cleaning. It didn’t work, but at least the house was less disgusting. He'd started in the kitchen, but when he got back to the scene of the struggle in the living room, he knew the sofa was done for. There was too much blood, and not enough rainwater collected to justify trying to scrub it out. He figured they’d take a couch from one of the neighbouring houses and dump this one in a backyard.   
  
They used to go house to house and put the couches into the street as barricades, and then attach bells so they’d have a warning when they came. It worked. They were never surprised when risen would wander through. But then one day another kind of threat came knocking. The kind that had noticed the barricades in the street and had wanted to take whatever belonged to the people that had set them up. That had been a bad day. They’d lost Rip in that fight, but won in the end. They’d spent the next few days clearing all the barricades, trying to get rid of any outward appearance that people were living there at all. 

From then on, the plan was to make their safehouse blend in to all the other empty, abandoned houses in this sprawling development. He’d actually gotten the idea from Harry Potter, and his hopes were that like with 12 Grimauld place, it would disappear to anyone that didn’t know it was there. It was out of the way. Off the major roads. As long as they didn’t draw attention to themselves, they should just disappear. That was the plan, at least.   
  
Giving up on cleaning the rug and the couch, Nate headed back to the other room where he found Ray exactly where he left him, still passed out and dead to the world. And suddenly, Nate was struck by a powerful sense of isolation and a need for company. He felt so alone it was stifling. He sat there, fighting the urge to wake Ray up for hours. At times he just sat there, watching him sleep by the dim light of the moon, sometimes pacing, worrying, looking out the windows through a slit in the shutters. Finally, he failed himself and succumbed to what he didn’t want to do. He told himself it was because Ray needed fluids, but he knew, deep down, it was selfish. That he was terrified for his friends and he was going crazy on his own. He needed Ray right now. Every minute that passed that they didn’t come back, the situation got worse.   
  
But he couldn’t go look for them now, in the middle of the night, even if he wanted to. It was too late, it would be pointless. And looking at Ray, he wasn’t so sure he wanted to go, either. Staying put was just as viable a plan as going and looking for them, objectively speaking, and this way also allowed Ray to recover and wouldn’t put him in the way of any unnecessary harm. There was no other choice to make. Leaving now would ultimately be a selfish move really, just a vain effort to assuage his own guilt for not being there for them when they’d obviously needed him. It was a mission with no chance of success and a large potential to cause harm to himself or, especially, Ray. No, he had to stay here.   
  
So because Nate couldn’t go after his friends, Nate decided to wake Ray up instead. The alternative was lose his mind. And it was probably a good idea anyways, to get more electrolytes back into him. He went and got a drink ready in a bottle and brought it with him as he sat down on the edge of the couch in front of the sleeping man. Placing the bottle on the table he gently shook him and repeated his name a few times. “Ray. Hey, Ray. I think you should wake up and have something to drink. You’ve been out for a while.” Slowly, Ray stretched and woke up, his eyes opening just a crack at first but gradually adjusting to the darkness and then moving to find Nate’s.   
  
“Hey.” He replied, smiling sleepily. Nate smiled goofily back at him for a moment before remembering and reaching out too quickly for the bottle to compensate. He shoved the bottle in Ray’s hands awkwardly.   
  
“Hey, I thought it had been too long since you got something in you.” He said, and Ray smiled again. But then, Ray’s expression changed as his face twisted in pain and there was a loud noise from his stomach. He clutched his belly and pulled his knees up, letting out a strangled groan. Alarmed, Nate reached out to put his hand on his shoulders as he leaned in, his brows knit in worry. “What’s wrong?” He asked, his tone firm and demanding of an answer.

  
“Just… hungry. Nate, I’m sorry, I need food.” He said through clenched teeth, and Nate barely got in a nod before he jumped up and ran to the kitchen where he began frantically flipping through the cupboards and their ample stores. He needed to pick something appropriate, ready to eat, that wouldn’t be hard to digest. He knew you weren’t supposed to over-feed starving people. Their stomachs could burst and it could kill them. But Ray needed to get back onto solid foods… Nate’s eyes rested on a sealed box of saltine crackers. He’d found a whole stash of them on an abandoned transport truck just outside of town. He quickly opened the red box and grabbed a sleeve and ran back to Ray who was still curled up and rocking slightly.   
  
“Here, are these okay?” Nate asked nervously as he handed them over. Ray slowly and obviously painfully sat up (and Nate noticed that he did so with a lot more strength than he had earlier), reaching out for the sleeve and ripping open the top. He shoved a cracker in his mouth and his eyes rolled back as he chewed and swallowed.   
  
“Okay?” He asked, pausing to look at Nate and shove another two crackers into his mouth. “Nate it’th  _ amathing _ ! You thaved my life.” He added, his voice thick with satisfaction and slightly muffled as he talked through a mouthful of saltines, and Nate laughed.   
  
“Slow down!” He laughed, as crumbs fell out of Ray’s lips. “You can only eat so many at a time anyways, didn’t you ever do the cracker challenge?” He added, settling in next to Ray. Ray smiled, trying to keep his lips together despite the fullness of his mouth.   
  
“Das wha watas fo” He said, opening the cap on the bottle and taking a drink, helping him clear and swallow the crackers. Nate chuckled again and sat back a little to watch Ray enjoy his first meal in days. And in that moment, his worries were gone. Just the satisfaction of helping Ray remained. He was happy because Ray was happy. Though, watching him eat, he was suddenly worried he was going to overdo it and hurt himself by eating too much too quickly.   
  
“Don’t eat til you’re full, just eat til it doesn’t hurt. Then you can have more in an hour. We need to stretch your stomach back out.” Nate said, and he was very happy to see Ray wobble his head as though he didn’t like it but he understood, and he rolled up the end of the saltine packet and placed it on the table willingly. Taking a big gulp of his water, he capped that and placed the bottle on the table as well. Then he turned and leaned back against the couch, facing Nate. His face shone in the moonlight, and it almost took Nate’s breath away. It was like he was creating his own light, from within. And it was brighter than it was yesterday. That had to be his strength returning. “You look a lot better.” Nate said, without meaning to.   
  
“I feel a lot better. Thanks to you.” Ray replied, and they sat there for another minute, looking at each other, not knowing what to say. It was almost awkward, but not quite. It would have been, if Nate didn’t already have a connection that felt years old with the man. It wasn’t that he had nothing to say. He actually had a million questions to ask, he just didn’t know where to start.   
  
Truthfully, one of the biggest questions on Nate’s mind was ‘are you into guys?’. It was mortifying to ask and that’s why he wouldn’t, but that didn’t stop him from wanting to know. He thought maybe he was, but he couldn’t really tell. It was nothing Ray did or said, it was just a feeling. Like an instinct. And how ironic would it be for Nate if the first man he’d ever felt feelings like this for turned out to be totally not into it? That was the kind of luck Nate had, when it came to love. So it was a distinct possibility that Ray was straight, or that he didn’t feel the same way. But… for Nate to be feeling like this… all tingly like a teenager? There had to be some vibes coming from Ray. Or so he hoped.   
  
So because Nate couldn’t ask the main thing on his mind, he froze, and sat there for way too long. Thankfully, it wasn’t too long before Ray leaned forward and playfully pushed against his knee, smiling at him. Immediately, Nate noticed two things. First, that Ray was already getting his strength back. Second, that he loved when Ray touched him. He wondered if he’d touch him like that again.   
  


  
  
  


  
  
Ray and Nate sat there as the moments stretched on, neither really knowing what to say. Ray had so much he wanted to say and ask, but he wasn’t sure if he’d be pushing things too far after the loss of Nate’s friends. He didn’t want to hurt him, and he was acutely aware that he was the reason he hadn’t gone out looking for them immediately. Sure Nate had made a good point about staying put being equally smart, but Ray did wonder if he wasn’t just saying that for his benefit. Because Ray knew that if he wasn’t there, there’s no way that Nate would have just stayed in the safehouse.   
  
And yet, despite all that, Nate seemed so eager and happy to help. Ray still didn’t know what to do with it. He had had little ideas about his attraction to this man before now, he had thought about his kindness and beauty and that weird pull he felt between them that he couldn’t explain. But he’d been so hungry, so thirsty, his muscles had hurt so much… He hadn’t been able to put his full mind to it yet. And he certainly hadn’t felt any blood flow down  _ there  _ in days. And yet, there seemed to be a lot of blood flowing right now, as Ray watched Nate’s cheeks blush, visible even in the dim light. Ray seemed to be getting a lot better. And he knew it was all because of Nate.   
  
He smiled at him, and leaned forward to nudge his knee. Ray had decided it was time to get to know each other. “I think it’s time I get the Nate story. It already feels like I’ve known you forever, it’s time I get some details to back that up.” He said, and though his voice was low and hoarse, it seemed to be holding out for now. He expected Nate to smile back, but instead his eyes widened and his reply came out as a whisper.   
  
“You feel like that too?” Was all he said, and it sent a shiver down Ray’s spine. He had to reach beside him and take a sip of water before he could even continue, and Nate waited the whole time. For a response. Finally, Ray nodded slowly.   
  
“Yeah, but that’s just because you saved me, right?” He asked, uncertain. Nate made a skeptical face.   
  
“I save a lot of people…” He replied, and Ray knew he was only saying it to disagree with Ray’s idea, but it made his heart flutter a little, the way he so casually mentioned saving people’s lives, like it was no big deal. Like he really didn’t know what a hero he was. He was saying it like everyone was out there doing that sort of thing. Did Nate really know how bad it was out there? What base, depraved levels people had devolved to once society had broken down?   
  
“How many?” Ray asked.   
  
“I don’t know… Like a dozen or two? Maybe more? Definitely more if you count that bus of people, but I never got to see them escape so I’m not sure. I led the risen away, I’m just hoping they got out.” He replied with no hint of boasting. He was just recounting the facts.   
  
“Where are the others? Where do they stay?” Ray asked, curious. He’d mentioned earlier on the drive here that they had splintered off as their numbers grew.   
  
“They’re in two other places, in groups like mine. Like allies, I guess? We do a lot of trading, too. Like, if they find a truck load of soup and I’ve got a truckload of crackers, you see? Also, after what happened to Rip… we decided it was safer to split up. To have places to go, if we lost one safe house. And too many people in one spot is more conspicuous.” Nate said, shrugging. Ray paused for a second as he thought about that. It honestly made so much sense, he’d just never heard of anyone ever doing it like that before. People these days were usually nomads, with the few ones setting up camps usually growing too big and imploding from within it being targets of raids. Running out of food, fighting, attracting risen… no one had found a system that worked yet.   
  
“That’s…” Ray said. “That’s really smart. That’s actually… so you just try to disappear. Do you think that’s where your friends might be? At another safe house?” Ray asked hopefully. Nate shrugged but nodded.   
  
“That’s what I’m hoping, but it doesn’t make sense that there were two of those dead fuckers in here. The whole thing is weird. They left in a hurry, but it doesn’t look like anyone was hurt so I’m hoping they’ll be at Sara’s. We’ll go there tomorrow afternoon if you’re up for it.” Nate said, running his fingers through his wild hair and causing it to stand absurdly tall. It was also absurdly cute. And Ray felt a little relieved, that maybe they were okay. If they got ran out of here in a hurry, they’d probably go there. It made him feel marginally less guilty about Nate staying with him tonight.   
  
“So…” Ray continued. “Do you normally take the people you save straight back to your super secret safe house?” He asked, feeling embarrassed. Nate smiled ruefully.   
  
“No. Never.” Was all he said, seeming amused.   
  
“So… why?” Ray asked. It seemed this was a huge security protocol breach. Why had he taken the risk?   
  
“Most people I save aren’t 2 hours from total starvation. I can usually take time to conduct a proper interview, at the office.” He said, as if that made sense.   
  
“The office?” Ray asked, quirking an eyebrow.   
  
“Well, yeah. Like you said, I can’t just bring people back here, they’d know where we live! It’s nearby. I might be an asshole but I’m not an idiot.” Nate laughed a little, and Ray was instantly confused. Did he just call himself an asshole? This guy?   
  
“Did you just call yourself an asshole?” He couldn’t help but repeat the question aloud. 

  
“Well, yeah. I am. It’s like, common knowledge.” He said, completely matter of factly. Ray felt his mouth hang open in confusion.   
  
“Are you aware how dumb that sounds considering you’re, like,  the sweetest person I’ve ever met?” Ray asked, wondering if he was being serious. But then Nate barked a laugh so deep he leaned forward and lightly tapped Ray’s crossed leg.   
  
“Sweet? I’m not sweet. No one has ever called me sweet.” He said, and by the end of the words the laughter was gone and his voice was turning sad.   
  
“Well I’m calling you sweet.” Ray said levelly, maintaining eye contact. Then Nate broke it and looked away bashfully.   
  
“Yeah, well, maybe to you.” He almost mumbled, and Ray saw dimples pop in his cheeks and his jaw clench. There was something about the words and how he said them that hitched Ray’s breath for a moment.   
  
“What does that mean?” He asked quietly, wanting to reach his hand out. It wouldn’t have to go far, just a couple inches, they were sitting close. But he wouldn’t. Not yet. Not until he was sure. His mind flashed back to the panic he’d felt earlier as he realized he had no skills, nothing to provide to the group. That Nate was going to kick him out when he realized.   
  
Nate looked frozen for a moment. “I—I just—I don’t know.” He stuttered, his eyes a little wide with what looked like mild panic. Then he shook his head just a hair and continued. “Enough about me right now. How are you? How are you feeling? Do you need anything?” Nate asked, and his tone once again brooked no argument, demanded an answer. He leaned towards Ray as he spoke, brows drawn, as if he was winding himself up in worry over him.   
  
“I’m actually…” Ray replied, pausing, then holding his arms out and shaking them a little, moving them around. “I’m actually so much better.” He added, beaming. “I’m only a little sore now. And I think I might be rehydrated because actually… do you think you could help me get up? Where do you guys, uhhh…” Ray trailed off. Nate laughed and stood up.   
  
“I’ll help you, c’mere.” He said, holding out his hand. “You wanna try to walk?” He asked as Ray swung his still weak legs around and his feet touched the ground.   
  
“Yeah, but I think I’ll need your help.” Ray replied, and he held out his arms. With a groan and a chorus of popping joints, Nate pulled him up to his feet for the first time since he’d gotten into that car several days ago. It hurt, and he felt a bit like Bambi learning to walk, but it was amazing. Just earlier today he wouldn’t have thought this was possible.   
  
“You’re standing!” Nate exclaimed, with pride in his voice. It set a little bit of a glow in Ray’s chest and he smiled in response.   
  
“Thanks to you.” Ray answered, and the arm Nate had around Ray’s middle squeezed for a moment. And then they were walking.    
  
“It’s after dark so you’re not going outside to the outhouse. There’s a… well, it’s a pot.” Nate said, and chuckled a little. “Sorry.” He added and Ray smiled.   
  
“Do you think I expected working plumbing?” He asked and Nate chuckled a little nervously but didn’t respond. He just helped Ray slowly walk towards the bathroom.   
  
Ray felt much better when he finished. He had been especially happy to find the cupboard under the sink almost completely packed with antibacterial hand wash, toothbrushes, and toothpaste. TOOTHPASTE. Ray hadn’t brushed his teeth in ages. He cracked open a bottle of hand wash and gave himself a little bath on his hands and feet, all the while eyeing one of the unopened toothbrushes. He wondered how far Nate’s generosity would reach…   
  
He was practically drooling at the sight of toothpaste when Nate seemed to read his mind and called into the bathroom. “Help yourself to a toothbrush. We’ve got tons of that shit down in the basement. Turns out no one had dental hygiene in mind when they raided the grocery stores and pharmacies. Fucking gross.” Nate added, and Ray chuckled as he eagerly leaned down to grab a red toothbrush that had caught his eye. He couldn’t wait to start, he had always kept a toothbrush with him until his bag had gotten lost in a struggle over a month ago, so it had been a  _ long time  _ since he'd been able to clean his teeth with anything but the frayed ends of sticks.   
  
“Nate, I love you.” Ray called back, meaning every word in that moment, his gratitude was so strong. He was wondering what Nate would think to hear such words as he dove in, covering the new brush with toothpaste and practically climaxing from the heavenly feeling as he began work on his back molars. He let out a huge groan of pleasure, and heard the door open behind him. He looked in the mirror and saw Nate smiling sheepishly.   
  
“I got jealous, and I didn’t brush mine before going to sleep…” He shrugged, reaching past Ray for what must have been his own toothbrush. Minutes passed as they stood shoulder to shoulder, thoroughly brushing their teeth and occasionally spitting. They took much longer than necessary because they kept catching each other’s eyes in the mirror and then they’d laugh. Ray didn’t want to stop. But after a little while the toothpaste was mostly gone so he spit one last time and laid his toothbrush on the counter. When he ran his tongue over his smooth teeth, he groaned again in pleasure, not knowing how he had gotten so lucky. “Feels good, right?” Nate asked from beside him. Ray looked him in the eyes through the mirror.   
  
“You have no idea. I know I’m saying this a lot right now, but—“   
  
“Don’t say thank you again.” Nate said, spitting again to clear the rest of his toothpaste and turning to start walking Ray back to the sofa.   
  
“Why not?” Ray asked, accepting the steadying arm Nate wrapped around his waist, lifting his own arm to brace around Nate's shoulders.   
  
“Because how many times can you say thank you?”   
  
“A million times wouldn’t be enough.” Ray replied seriously, before realizing he had taken the last several steps without thinking about them. He was so much stronger, and it was all thanks to Nate. Why didn’t he want to be thanked?   
  
“Once was enough.” He said, and there was something to his voice, a tightness. Ray glanced over and saw a clenched jaw and dimples, like Nate was trying not to smile, and Ray realized he was just being modest. The attention and praise embarrassed him, but he still liked it. Ray turned his gaze away, ahead, and smiled to himself.   
  
“Well… I guess I’ll just have to show you how grateful I am then.” Ray said in a deliberately casual way, and he got a little thrill because he knew he was being a little provocative. He figured he could play it off as innocent if it didn't land well, he could have meant anything, after all. But he had to admit he was okay if Nate took it  _ that _ way. He couldn't really help it, he was feeling such a pull to this man. And anyways, Ray had never been one to hold back. He generally tended to wear his heart on his sleeve and he knew that the only way you got things in life was by going for them.   
  
It had been a moment since Ray had spoken, and the silence stretched on as Nate seemed to be frozen in place, his mouth hanging open just a little. Ray tried not to smirk as he watched several different emotions flash on the other man’s face. But Ray thought he knew what Nate was thinking. He was trying to figure out what Ray had meant by “show him”… he knew it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ray knows what he wants, does Nate???
> 
> Thanks to those reading and I'd love to hear your thoughts!
> 
> Happy first day of Beebo-mas, friends!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Ray is out of immediate danger, the sparks between them begin to ignite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to post this! Warning: things get a little hot in this chapter! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Nate felt his jaw go slack as his mind raced through about a hundred ideas and feelings, all of which probably flashed on his face as he tried to process the words. He knew he must look like an idiot but he couldn’t help himself.  _ Show _ him? What did he mean by  _ that _ ? And why did it feel like his dick was hardening at the words? Fuck, this was not good. Nate didn’t even know what Ray meant, and even if he did know what he meant, he might not know what to do with it. He tried to tell himself he could be freaking out over nothing. Maybe he just meant that he wanted to be a hardworking contributor to the group?

  
That’s not what it  _ felt _ like he meant, but Nate was still too confused and he didn’t want to make the wrong move, so he figured no move was safest for the time being. He still wasn’t sure Ray was even into guys, and he sure as hell wasn’t going to have the balls to ask him. And that’s not even mentioning the fact that Nate was straight. Or, at least he always had been... in  _ practice _ . Did the fucking zombie apocalypse give him a pass to not freak out about that part? He wasn’t sure about anything right now. So instead, he laughed nervously.   
  
“How are you feeling?” Nate asked suddenly, deciding to change the subject. Ray smiled, perhaps a little knowingly, but thankfully went along with it.   
  
“So much better, thanks to you. And that toothpaste was  _ the best _ . My mouth feels so clean, I could eat out of it!” He replied cheerfully. Nate laughed, confused.   
  
“You do eat… oh, wait… nevermind.” He replied contrarily, before pausing and blushing as he caught onto the joke too late and saw Ray holding back laughter. He felt his cheeks tighten as he smiled, mildly embarrassed but amused nonetheless. So Ray was funny, too... “So…” He decided to continue. “You’re better, as in, you’re not about to keel over and die anymore. But how  _ are _ you? Like what are you feeling right now?” He asked, his voice turning serious, his eyes boring into Ray’s big dark ones, trying to read what he saw there.   
  
Ray hesitated, he even bit his lip a little, which Nate refused to admit he found cute. “What am I feeling?” He asked, and his voice was soft and vulnerable. He bit his lip again in thought before continuing. “I’m feeling more than I can tell you. But mostly, I’m feeling happy you found me, happy we met. I’m feeling grateful for your kindness. I’m feeling relieved that I have food and water in me, and that I’m not surrounded by those monsters, never freaking shutting up. Like, I get it, you’re undead, now shut the heck up about it, am I right?” He asked, and Nate chuckled, not the least at Ray’s conspicuous avoidance of swear words, but then raised one eyebrow. Ray was only telling him the good things, and he was deflecting with humour… he had to be holding back.   
  
“So you’re just great, that’s it? All better now?” Nate asked, and he made sure his skepticism dripped from every word. Ray smiled guiltily and his eyes dropped, and Nate wanted to reach out and hold his hand again, but… would that be weird now? It was one thing before, when he may still have died at any moment, to touch him and give him comfort, try to bring him through the worst of it. But now that he was through, could Nate keep doing that? Also… why the fuck did he want to? 

 

He was going to have to examine that one later, but it didn’t get past him, the fact that for the first time in ages he was touching and caring for another person in an intimate way. And it was every bit as weird that it was happening with  _ anyone at all _ as it was that it was with a man, that’s how closed off to human connection Nate had been. This was totally new, and he didn’t really know how to deal with it yet. He was just winging it at this point, playing every moment as it came by ear; trying not to think too hard.   
  
“Well it seems stupid to talk about it, when I know how much worse things can be…” Ray said, hesitating, and immediately Nate's back went up. First he froze and then the hand he had been holding back shot forward to Ray’s knee without thought.   
  
“Tell me.” He commanded, and Ray looked up at him.   
  
“It’s just… I’m  _ really _ sore. Like, my muscles hurt everywhere, I think they’re waking back up.” He said apologetically, and Nate frowned and remained frozen in place, trying to think of a way to help him. But he evidently took too long to respond, because soon Ray was already backtracking. “See? It’s stupid. After near starvation, a little muscle soreness is nothing. Reminds me I’m still alive.” Ray laughed a little, obviously trying to lighten the mood because Nate had stupidly made it tense by not responding. He wanted to reply that it wasn't stupid at all, that it must be awful, but he felt an idea crystallizing and he had to focus on it. When it finally it came to him, Nate didn’t know if this would be more for Ray or himself, but he reasoned it would help him so why not? He’d already thrown most of his rules and ideas about himself out the window in the past day, so why the fuck not…   
  
“I can help.” Nate said slowly, finally, and Ray looked at him curiously. “I, I can. We have a shitload of food but only a couple bottles of painkillers, so we probably should save those for if it’s really bad. But… I have some really good weed.” Nate said, sneaking a peek at Ray whose eyes had gone wide, to gauge his reaction.   
  
“You have  _ weed _ ? Where the heck did you get  _ weed _ ?” Ray asked incredulously, and Nate laughed. He seemed surprised but excited, and Nate was relieved.   
  
“Grew it. Well, actually, Constantine grew it. But I gave him his starter plants, he’s way better at it than I was and his spot has a more hidden place to plant and more water. He’s a magician in the garden. There’s even fresh food he’ll grow soon, when it warms up a bit more.” Nate said proudly, and Ray was smiling widely now. “Anyways, I think a joint would help your muscles more than an aspirin either way. And…” Nate swallowed, trying to get the courage to say the next part. “And, like, I could give you a massage, or whatever…”   
  
When Ray just stared, Nate panicked. But he was already committed, he’d already spoken and gotten his foot stuck firmly in his mouth. All he could do was try to make what he said sound less… like a come-on. Which, fuck, it probably was. Nate didn’t even know anymore, but he knew it wasn’t entirely  _ not _ a come-on. “I just—I mean—rubbing the muscles will get the blood moving again and it’ll mean you’ll be stronger for tomorrow in case we have to go looking for everyone.” He stammered in follow-up.

  
Was that a good excuse? He watched as Ray swallowed, then grabbed his drink and took a careful sip, wetting his lips and rubbing them together a little. Then he smiled a little shyly. “Really? Would you?” He asked, like it was too much to ask, and Nate breathed in relief. He wanted it. He wasn’t repulsed by the idea of Nate touching him.  _ Helping him!  _ His mind tried to correct, this was not about touching Ray, it wasn’t. Touching him was just a happy byproduct of  _ helping _ him.   
  
“Yeah, of course. I mean, I’m pretty sure if Zari was here, she’d be rubbing the muscles to get them loosened up after sitting in that car for days.” Sure, Nate thought, blame this on Zari. That was a great idea. He wondered if Ray bought it. The look on his face was hard to read. Nate hoped he was happy, not freaked out and only going along with it because he felt he had to.   
  
“That would be  _ amazing _ .” Ray groaned finally, and Nate smiled widely. Maybe too widely.   
  
“Awesome, dude! Well I’ll grab a joint!” He said, springing up and hurrying to the desk on the other side of the room. That was where, on a slow or rainy day, he’d sit, rolling and rerolling joints to pass the time. Kind of like how Kendra and Carter would sit there tuning their already tuned crossbows and bows or sharpening their knives and broadheads, Zari would read her medical texts, Leonard would build card houses, or Mick would sit and stare into space or a flame, if they were lucky enough to have one going. Sometimes you had to just sit in silence and go to your happy place. Find some level of Zen. And as a result of that, he had a whole collection of perfect cannons, varying in size, pre-wrapped and ready to go. He grabbed a bigger one with flavoured paper and a zippo and trotted back to the couch.   
  
When he sat back down, he was aware than he was even closer to Ray than he had been the first time, and he couldn’t even lie to himself and act like that was an accident. What was it about this guy? What the hell was happening to Nate? Looking over at him, his eyes were bright and earnest, his smile wide. “You know, as funny as it sounds, I think this is  _ exactly _ what I need right now. I’ve never been a big smoker, but I’d say this is called for.” Ray said eagerly, and Nate smiled back at him.   
  
“You wanna light?” Nate asked, holding out the joint and lighter. Ray took them both a little uncertainly, and too quickly went to put the joint in his mouth and light it so Nate smiled and shook his head.   
  
“Nope, wait, here--” Nate said, reaching out to take the joint back out of Ray’s mouth. “It’s going to burn too quick and uneven like that. You have to wet it first. Let me show you…” He added. Then, looking at Ray, he wet his lips and placed them around the top of the joint, sucking slightly to wet the paper there so it would burn slower as the weed inside lit. Then he rolled the top lightly over the end of his tongue. As he did it, he realized how fucking sexual it was, and of course his eyes were locked with Ray’s. He felt his dick twitch and tried to ignore it. Then he handed the joint with the wetted tip back to Ray, trying to push past the mortifying feeling and press on. “There, now rotate it as you light it.” He said, hoping Ray couldn’t see the blush he felt in his cheeks.   
  
Ray smiled and placed the filter end in his mouth, turning it as instructed as he slowly sucked in with tiny breaths, lighting a cherry on the end. When it was going, he took a deep breath, held it in, and let it out in a big puff of smoke. “Oh my God, that’s good.” He said thickly, coughing twice, and then his face looked dreamy as he fell back against the couch in relief and took another deep pull. He sat there a moment, melted against the back of the couch, before exhaling in a cloud and handing it to Nate, who took a pull and felt the familiar feeling rushing to his brain. He found everything a little easier to deal with when that feeling was there, and after the past day, he really needed this. He took another hit and watched Ray, who was smacking his lips a little and licking them with a quizzical look on his face.   
  
“Does that thing taste like grape?” He asked suddenly, and Nate smiled.   
  
“Flavoured papers. There was this hemp shop in town that had nothing useful for survival so most of the shit there was untouched. It was kind of amazing, actually.” Nate explained, smiling fondly at the memory of finding that place almost fully stocked with pipes and bongs, papers and screens, picks and grinders… everything he could possibly need or imagine. He sighed a little wistfully, thinking about it. “Some days… are better than others.” He added, his soft smile staying for a moment before falling into a frown, and then he felt Ray’s hand on his hand, his fingers curling around Nate’s. Nate’s eyes snapped from the memory to Ray’s eyes in an instant.   
  
“You’re right, some days are better than others.” Was all he said, but the warmth in his words and the sincerity shining in those eyes sent shivers down Nate’s spine. He was talking about  _ today. _ And if Nate was being honest, he couldn’t think of a better day than this in recent memory either. Even if he still couldn’t explain why. Not knowing what to say, Nate passed the joint back to Ray, who took another couple pulls before handing it back.   
  
One more hit brought Nate over that initial hill and into the swirling feeling of calm and well-being. The one that helped people in pain. The one that took your worries and made them less…  _ loud _ , for a while. The one that made him honestly love smoking weed. He hoped that Ray was feeling it as well. “Can you blow smoke rings?” Ray asked suddenly, and the tone of his voice was a little different. Nate laughed once, deeply, from his belly.   
  
“Are you serious?” He asked. “Of course I can. Here, watch.” He added confidently, and then he slouched down further onto the couch, right against Ray so their shoulders were touching and their heads were beside each other. He took a deep pull and then puffed out perfect ring after perfect ring. Ray giggled and poked his fingers through the middles. “Want me to teach you?” Nate asked, and Ray nodded eagerly, a big smile on his face. Nate smiled in return, lost momentarily in his sparkling dark eyes, before continuing. “So first you fill your lungs. But you don’t want the smoke too deep so you blow a little out at first, then you stop. So the goal is to open and close your throat really fast and just let out a little puff. Your lips should be round like this and your tongue needs to be in the middle of your mouth like this.” Nate said, turning his head and pursing his lips so Ray could see and imitate.   
  
He didn’t realize how close their faces were until he started making kissy faces at him from inches away, but thanks to the nice high he had going, he wasn’t so nervous that he had to immediately pull away. Besides, Ray seemed happy, and wasn’t that all that mattered? He was trying to imitate what Nate was doing with his lips.   
  
“Like this?” He asked, and Nate nodded, chuckling a little.   
  
“Yeah, now try.” He said, handing the joint over. Ray took it and they sat leaning against each other for the next few minutes, Nate watching as Ray tried many times unsuccessfully to blow a smoke ring. When, finally, he got one, Nate poked his finger through and Ray cheered.   
  
“Yes!!! I did it!” He boasted, laughing and then coughing a litte. “Practice makes perfect.” He added with a flash of his teeth in a sincere and eager smile of pride. By that point, they were both nice and high, feeling much better and less stressed about everything. Or at least Nate  _ hoped _ Ray felt a little better.   
  
“So, did that help at all?” He asked, their heads now flopped against each other as they sat immobile, sunk into the couch and staring out at nothing in particular. He felt Ray’s head nod against his own.   
  
“Yeah. But I think what really helped the most was you being here with me.” He replied.   
  
“Don’t thank me again!” Nate warned, but he was joking, and to make sure Ray knew, he reached over and tickled his ribs a little. Ray laughed and squirmed away but Nate noticed a wince and that made him remember Ray’s pain, and his promise. “Oh, shit, what’s hurting most? I’ll rub that first.” Nate said, and he wondered if the words sounded as eager to Ray as they did to himself.   
  
“You don’t have to, you’ve done enough…” Ray objected, hesitating, and Nate froze. Did he not want it? He had sort of thought the signals he was getting were pretty clear, but maybe…   
  
“You don’t want me to?” He asked, and he was sort of surprised with himself as he heard the sadness in his own voice.  _ What the hell? _   
  
“No! It’s not that, it’s just…” Ray started.   
  
“So you  _ do _ want me to?” Nate clarified, and Ray chuckled a little and smiled softly.   
  
“Well yeah, I mean I do, but…”   
  
“Then where do I start?” Nate asked brightly, sitting up and stretching his arms out with his fingers interlocked, and when he looked over, Ray’s smile turned shy.   
  
“Are you for real? Is this real life?” He asked suddenly, and Nate laughed.   
  
“Depends, how high are you?” Nate asked, and Ray laughed.   
  
“The perfect amount, actually. I think I’d be a lot more zoned-out if I wasn’t hurting so much, but I think a lot of it has gone to pain killing, because I feel great.” Ray said, an introspective look on his face as if he was trying to be really honest about how he was feeling.   
  
“Well that’s good to hear.” Nate replied, smiling. “Now tell me what to rub.” The words were out without thinking and it took Nate a moment to realize what he’d said, and how it could have sounded, and how mortified he should be, but instead of digging a hole and burying himself in it when the realization hit him, he giggled instead. And then his unencumbered mind wondered what he’d do if Ray answered ‘my dick’ and giggled even more when he realized he’d probably just do as he was told. Thankfully he hadn’t said that last part out loud, though.   
  
“Calves.” Ray finally answered. “My legs are cramping so hard. That was the first time I’ve stood in days. And did I tell you you’re my hero?” Ray added, and Nate smiled widely at the words, thinking of how proud it made him feel to hear Ray say that. And bonus, he wanted him to rub his legs. Nate thought he could do that.   
  
“‘Kay, no problem, one kickass leg rub coming up, bro!” Nate replied brightly, his head swimming a little, his body warm and sensitized. He watched as Ray adjusted himself sideways on the couch so his legs hung over Nate’s lap, and Nate scrunched his eyebrows looking at the tight jeans he was wearing. That wasn’t going to work. “Nope, take ‘em off, they’re in the way.” Nate said without thinking, his filter long forgotten. And when Ray started giggling, so did Nate, and he ended up leaning down on Ray as they laughed together. Then Ray was undoing his pants and he bounced on the couch so he could slide them over his ass, and Nate pulled them off the rest of the way. So now, he was undressing Ray too… A sober Nate would have been freaking out, but in this moment he wasn’t sober so he figured why not. He had gone full speed ahead into the great unknown, he was already all in, and he was pretty fucking high. So just go with it. And this would make for a way better massage anyways, so it’s not like there was no point to it.   
  
Ray laid his long legs back over Nate’s lap, and Nate looked down at them. Suddenly hypnotized by the bare skin in front of him, his eyes travelled up the legs and rested on the bulge he saw peeking out beneath his hoodie and he swallowed roughly. Ray was wearing tight blue boxer-briefs. Nate must have looked like an idiot, frozen there, and by the time he realized he was staring, he didn’t know how long it had been. He hoped it hadn’t been too long, and that Ray hadn’t noticed, so he grabbed a leg and started working the calf muscle. 

 

As Nate squeezed and kneaded, Ray groaned in pleasure, a sound that otherwise would have been extremely sexual, and Nate felt his dick twitch again. Only this time he didn’t think it was going to stop. As he continued rubbing up and down the leg Ray kept throwing his head back and moaning in pleasure, and Nate was sure his semi was going to be a full blown rager any second. And of course Ray’s legs were draped over his lap. If he wasn’t so high he’d be freaking out at the possibility of an  _ accidental collision _ , and he still kind of was, but he didn’t know what to do, so he just kept rubbing, hoping he didn’t notice…   
  
“I want to know more about you.” Nate said suddenly, both as as a distraction and in genuine curiosity, and Ray rolled his eyes back forward from the back of his head to meet Nate’s gaze and he smiled.   
  
“So do I. Let’s take turns asking questions.” Ray suggested, and Nate smiled. “But nothing sad… I don’t want to—I don’t want to ruin the moment.” He added, quieter.   
  
“Deal.” Nate said in return, thinking of something to ask. “My turn first. What did you do? You know, before?”   
  
“I was a grad student.” Ray replied, smiling a little sadly and looking off into a distance, obviously remembering. “I was working on my second PhD. Well, and I was also an inventor, kind of. I was working on this formula that would allow me to control the distance between atoms, thereby theoretically being able to  _ shrink matter _ , solving the massive global problems like waste control. I just needed to get my hands on some dwarf star alloy, which was understandably hard to find.” Ray added, and Nate felt his jaw drop.   
  
“Holy shit, that’s amazing!” Nate said, totally impressed and a little lost for words.  _ Two PhD’s _ ?  _ Atoms? Dwarf star alloy?  _ What even was that? This guy must have been really smart. Impressed, Nate rubbed his way up Ray’s leg a little, thinking of Ray with a lab coat on, and maybe some thick framed glasses, biting the end of a pen as he contemplated his theories.   
  
“Ok, my turn. Same question.” Ray said, interrupting Nate’s daydream, and Nate smirked ruefully.    
  
“Jack shit. I got my Masters in history, and then when I graduated I discovered there were, let’s say, few employment opportunities in the field. You know, somewhere between none and zero. So I went back to live with my parents and then my—“ Nate said, almost saying the word ‘girlfriend’. He hadn’t said that word, even in his head, in months. He felt the familiar pain in his heart, but luckily he was high and he had Ray’s leg in his hands and that was pleasantly distracting, so he decided to move past it, to try to let it slip from his mind for tonight at least. “I just worked a shitty waiter job at a Thai restaurant when everything went down.” He finished. Then, thinking about school, “So you’re obviously really smart, what did you major in?” Nate asked as his next question.   
  
“My first PhD was in electrical engineering, and I was almost done my second in physics which was what I really loved.” Ray said, and Nate felt his jaw drop. He didn’t even look that old, how could he almost be done his second PhD already? And those weren’t fluff degrees, either. This guy wasn’t  _ smart _ , he was a  _ genius _ . Nate had barely been able to get through a single bachelors/masters in a subject he  _ loved _ in the allotted five years, let alone completing two PhDs probably in the same amount of time. There was a possibility Ray was a little older than Nate’s 24, but if so it wasn’t by much, he looked pretty young. 

 

Nate realized with a start that he loved that Ray was smart. But of course he was. Because he was already funny, and good looking, and caring… he only had to be smart to complete the package. Nate’s perfect package, everything he valued in people, everything he was attracted to. This time, in a man.  _ Fuck _ . He moved his hands to Ray’s thigh without thinking and continued to knead and work the muscles there, causing Ray to groan again and throw his head back.   
  
“Shit that’s… that’s impressive.” Was all Nate could say, and he could hear his voice get husky. Could Ray hear it too?   
  
“My question.” Ray breathed, his head still thrown back as he absorbed the pleasurable pain of massage on tight, achy muscles. Then he raised it slowly and looked at Nate with an intensity that made him flush. “Are you gay?” He asked. Quietly. Quickly. But unmistakably. And he was looking at Nate, waiting for an answer. Nate didn’t know what to say. Nate currently had his hands on Ray’s thigh, just a few inches from that tight package in blue boxer-briefs, and he panicked as he wondered… did Ray  _ want _ him to be? Did Ray want him to be into guys, so they could be together? Or was he making sure he  _ wasn’t _ , so that he wasn’t uncomfortable with the super intimate leg massage he was currently enjoying? Nate didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing, and he was already taking too long, so in the end he answered with the truth.   
  
“No. I mean, I’m—I don’t know.” Nate stammered, his hands faltering. Ray looked worried.   
  
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to—I just thought—“ He said, rushing to apologize.   
  
“Why?” Nate asked slowly, trying to get his hands working again, trying to make his voice sound casual. “Are you?” Ray laughed at this, and Nate blushed.   
  
“Well, yeah.” Ray said, like he thought it was obvious. Should it have been? Nate hadn’t been sure. He had hoped, but hadn’t known. “Is that okay?” He asked and Nate looked up, moving his gaze from Ray’s legs to his eyes.   
  
“Of course it is.” Nate breathed, and Ray smiled a little, and he finished the leg he was on. “Other leg.” He said when he was done and Ray lifted it so Nate could start on the calf.   
  
“This feels so good.” Ray said softly, after a minute or two of silence. The whole time, his eyes had been closed and his face looked like it was in ecstasy as Nate firmly worked loose the tightness in the muscles there. Nate watched, the whole time, transfixed on the features there. And when he’d squeeze and knead the tightness and see Ray throw back his head or moan or scrunch his eyes up, he felt his erection getting harder.   
  
“I’m glad.” Nate said in reply, his voice quiet. “I want to make you feel good.” He said, before realizing his mistake. “I mean better. I want to help you feel better.” He corrected, belatedly. He snuck a peek at Ray’s face to see if he’d reacted, and what he saw there, he didn’t know how to interpret. His eyes were looking right into Nate’s, and he was biting his lip again. Nate took a deep breath and continued to work his way up the leg, focusing on the feeling of his skin against Ray’s skin.   
  
“You  _ are _ making me feel good.” Ray whispered, finally, and then his other leg shifted in Nate’s lap. He didn’t know if it was deliberate, but it brushed right past his now extremely hard erection and caused Nate to gasp, the effects of the weed removing his ability to act cool and pretend he hadn’t felt anything. And by the look in Ray’s eyes, he didn’t want to pretend he hadn’t felt it either. “Sorry.” He said, not sounding sorry at all. Then, a little sheepishly, “Is that because of me?” He asked in a whisper, and Nate felt shivers run down his spine. Was it? Yes, it fucking was. How could he deny it?   
  
“That depends.” Nate whispered in return. “Is that okay?” He asked, turning off the part of his brain that was screaming and freaking out right now. That was the beauty of smoking, sometimes. It let you shut out everything except for what you were focusing on. And right now, Nate was focusing on Ray. The feel of his hands against his legs, the proximity of his body, the memory of the feeling of Ray’s foot as it grazed past his hard cock.   
  
Ray sucked in a hiss of air and bit his lip, then nodded. “Yeah, you could say it’s definitely okay.” He breathed, and he moved his foot back to purposefully rub Nate through his pants and Nate groaned. Fuck. This was happening. It was a runaway train at this point, barrelling down the tracks. There was no stopping it.  _ Fuck _ .   
  
Nate looked down at his hands where they were rubbing just inches away from…  _ Oh fuck _ . He removed one hand to lean forward and brace himself next to Ray’s face and let the other hand drift up to that tight package he’d been eyeing ever since this massage started. “Does this count as an upper leg massage?” Nate whispered, inhibitions gone, against Ray’s ear, his hand palming his erection through his boxers. Ray groaned in response.   
  
“Oh my God, Nate.” He moaned, and Nate smiled and shifted a little and ignored the fireworks going off in his brain so he could capture Ray’s mouth with his own, all the while working him with his hand. Ray gasped a little as their lips connected, but soon his lips were parting and their tongues met, tentatively at first. Ray tasted of toothpaste and grape flavoured cannabis, two of Nate’s favourite things in the entire world, and he was surprised how much he liked it.  Their kiss started languid and slow, the two of them in no rush and enjoying all the sensations as their tongues and hands explored and brought waves of pleasure. But soon the kiss went from soft and sweet to needy and deep.   
  
Nate found it a bit weird, to hold and stroke a dick that wasn’t his own, but it was familiar and pleasant too. He actually found he was way more confident than he was with girls and their bizarre, foreign equipment down there. Soon he was smiling and getting into it, and Ray was writhing underneath him. “You know, this is just like a fairy tale.” Ray breathed, and they giggled against each other’s mouths. “The hero prince finds the princess in peril just when things looked their worst, saves her…”   
  
“Then fucks her?” Nate finished, out of breath and out of filter, against Ray’s mouth, diving in for a now ravenous kiss. Fuck, this felt good. Even Ray’s facial hair felt right against his mouth, the small peppering of chest hair feeling good as Nate dragged his fingers under Ray’s shirt and up his body.   
  
Ray laughed a little before turning Nate’s head and kissing up his jaw towards his ear. “That’s the part at the end of the story they don’t tell the kids about.” Ray whispered and bit Nate’s earlobe. Nate saw stars and felt his cock throb. He turned to lay more on his side, facing Ray, who did the same. Now facing each other, their lips connected again in a crash as their hips bucked forward in search of stimulation. Nate moaned shamelessly into Ray’s mouth as he felt the other man’s erection pressing into his own, his hips rutting forward in response. It just felt so  _ good.  _ And how could that be wrong? 

 

Lost to the moment, Nate let his free left hand wander down to Ray’s ass, squeezing and pulling him forward towards himself in time with his own thrust. This time it was Ray that moaned in pleasure and Nate felt a carnal smile spread across his face as he picked up his rhythm, pulling Ray towards him as he pushed back, rubbing their hard cocks together through the layers of clothing with a swirl of his hips with each thrust. 

 

Almost surprising himself, Nate let out a low growl as he licked into Ray’s mouth that was still open, his head thrown back in pleasure, and then bit his bottom lip roughly. A distant part of his mind couldn’t really believe how  _ into _ this he was. He thought he should be more weirded out, more tentative, less  _ sure. _ Because maybe he’d had some  _ not-so-straight _ thoughts in the past, but he'd never done anything about it. This was completely new. This was uncharted territory, unsailed waters. But instead of being afraid or unsure, he was taking that territory and sailing those seas like a fucking  _ viking. And he liked it. _

 

He laughed in wonder at the revelation, and Ray smiled back into their kiss, pulling back a little to look up at Nate with shining eyes and red swollen wet lips. “You know, this is  _ not _ how I expected this last 24 hours to go.” He said, and Nate paused the bucking of his hips to laugh and lean forward to press his forehead against the other man’s. 

 

“I’d say that’s an understatement.” He replied as his lungs pumped and his chest heaved, and Ray smiled and tilted his chin down to reconnect their lips, sweetly this time, and Nate melted into the kiss, enjoying the warm glow it lit in his chest as they slowly moved their lips against each others, their tongues softly touching and licking. 

 

But just like before, the intensity grew quickly. Once again their hips started moving and their hands roaming and their kiss turned hungry. Ray was running his free hand under Nate’s shirt, along his abs and his chest, tugging on the sparse hair there and occasionally twisting a nipple and eliciting a pleasurable moan from Nate. Soon though he must have grown tired of the cumbersome t-shirt in his way because he tugged it over Nate’s head, who was only too happy to oblige because his skin felt like it was on fire anyways. Ray still wore his hoodie, but he wasn’t wearing pants, so in a way they were even. 

 

“Nate--” Ray moaned into his mouth after a few more blissful minutes, his words a request and a warning all at once. Nate knew he should stop, but he couldn’t. He was high on weed and Ray all at once, and he was lost to the intense pleasure of the moment and he could no less heed Ray’s warning at that time as he could stop an entire hoard of risen on his own. His hips continued to move forward, to find purchase against Ray’s own, and every time he felt the hot and hard length of him pressed against himself, he saw stars. Nate was on his own climb right now, and he felt that inevitable pull from deep within him that told him he was close.

 

“Oh my God, Nate--” Ray panted, his weak arms wrapping around him and pulling him close as he thrust himself against him and found his release. And that was it, the point of no return. Little black spots were already beginning to form in Nate’s vision when he heard a slam from the other room. A part of his mind started in alarm but he couldn't stop now, it was already too late--

 

“Holy fuck!” He groaned, as he came in his pants like a freaking teenager, his eyes wide and as round as his mouth as his hips bucked forward a few last times uncontrollably, his arms clinging to Ray like a lifering. As soon as he was able he swung his head around to look in the direction of the noise, only to see a wide-eyed Zari walking into the family room, and dropping her keys as she saw them.

 

“HOLY FUCK!” She echoed in shock, completely frozen and horror-struck.

 

“Ahhhhh!” Nate screamed in slightly delayed surprise and embarrassment, his head still floating from the orgasm and the weed and not knowing how to process this unexpected surprise.

 

“AHHHHH!” She screamed right back, equally in shock but for very different reasons. Beside him, Ray’s head snapped towards Zari, eyes wide, and he tried to pull his hoodie down to cover himself, though Nate suspected it was far too late for that. She had seen… a lot. 

 

“Zari!” Nate screamed, his thoughts finally clearing enough for logical thinking to be possible again. She was alive! He wanted to jump up to hug her, or to punch her for interrupting when she did, either one. Or both. But he thought twice about it when he felt the wetness in his pants as he shifted up onto his elbow, so instead he grabbed for a blanket that had been thrown over the back of the couch and pulled it down to cover himself and Ray. 

 

“Nate!” She screamed in reply, still frozen in place, standing in the doorway. She had a backpack slung over one shoulder, was wearing a badass leather jacket, and her dark hair was pulled back into a high ponytail. Her dark eyes were wide with shock, but after a moment, she seemed to shake her head slightly, and then she continued. “And…?” She added, looking pointedly at Ray, waiting for an introduction, Nate supposed. Nate felt himself blush even deeper (as if that were possible), but beside him Ray smiled widely and waved.

 

“Hi, I’m Ray.” He said brightly, and Zari goggled at him for a second before a smirk pulled up at her lips. 

 

“Hi Ray, I’m Zari.” She replied, and Nate noted how casual she was taking this clearly unusual situation. But there was a smugness there as well, and Nate wasn’t looking forward to the next time he would be alone with her. Then she turned her gaze to Nate, and he swallowed but held her stare. “Well, I--” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry for--interrupting--but Nate?” She said, looking at him intently.

 

“Yeah?” He asked, his brows knitting at her tone. 

 

“I’ve got something to tell you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, Steelatom fans! I hope you enjoyed this and please let me know if you're reading and want me to continue! 
> 
> Xoxox

**Author's Note:**

> So years ago I started this zombie story but never finished it, and as I've been thinking about Steelatom ideas, all I could think about was how perfect that storyline would be for them. So I'm heavily editing and adapting the start to my old story and am excited to take it in new directions for Nate and Ray (and more to come).
> 
> I would love to hear what you think if anyone has any comments <3 And kudos are always appreciated :)


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